


Now It's Up to You

by 20SomethingSuperHeroes



Series: Bucky in Arizona [7]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Awkward Dates, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Dancing, Domestic Fluff, Family, Flashbacks, Gen, Goodbyes, Male-Female Friendship, Pre-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), SHIELD, Slow Dancing, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-30 02:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5147069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/20SomethingSuperHeroes/pseuds/20SomethingSuperHeroes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In between her assignments at S.H.I.E.L.D., Hillary Tanner goes on a date, brings her boss over for Easter Dinner, and prepares to say farewell to Bucky. </p><p>Setting: The weeks leading up to the events of "The Avengers: Age of Ultron"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now It's Up to You

Prologue, prior to the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D.

“STEVE! JUMP!”

Steve could barely hear her through the radio over the noise of the helicopter. The pilot had already lowered the chopper as low as he dared over the tower. Steve jumped, his enhanced strength propelling him through the air towards the open side of the aircraft. He reached, but for what he wasn’t sure. Hillary had been standing on the open side but backed away to make room for him to land. But just then the helicopter began to rise, and he fell. He had to stretch himself flat in midair to reach for the open door of the chopper. He grabbed it and clung to it for dear life. He was barely gripping the edge of the doorway, but the helicopter began to tip sideways.

“NO NO NO!” shouted Hillary. She lunged forward and grabbed Steve by the wrists. There was no way she could have lifted him up by herself, but as it was it took Steve a moment to collect himself and pull himself on board with her guiding him. He finally came over the side and collapsed on his stomach. Hillary began fumbling with the vibranium shield strapped to his back and removed it so he could roll over. The doors to the helicopter closed and the noise lessened. 

“Are you all right, Cap?” the helicopter pilot called back to them.

“Yes, he’s all right,” said Hillary. 

“You all right, Agent Tanner?” Steve asked her.

She looked at him, surprised. “Yes.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine!” Hillary said, brushing the hair away from her face.

Steve removed his helmet. He ran his hands through his hair and sat down on the side of the helicopter, groaning. She sat down next to him. Several minutes passed before either of them spoke.

“Hillary, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s not the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

“Oh, really? What was the hardest thing you ever had to do?”

“Playing Belle in my high school production of Beauty and the Beast. Not that that was hard in itself. But, it was my junior year. I was applying to every college I could think of, I was working at Chuck-e-Cheese, I was taking the advanced math, science, and English classes and I was in choir. And the performances were right around the same time I was planning to take the ACT. But Beauty and the Beast was a show I’d always wanted to be in. I went ahead and auditioned and told myself it would be okay even if I had to take a minor part, singing in the chorus or something. And the music teachers knew how bad of a load I had that year, but they still offered to let me play Belle. I couldn’t refuse. I had six hours of rehearsal a week with the cast and six hours of additional rehearsal because I was the lead, and on top of that were the costume fittings and such.”

“When did you sleep?” asked Steve.

“I didn’t. I worked weekends only for that term, though. I’d just come home after rehearsal every night and do my homework, and then go to bed, and I’d wake up not feeling rested because I knew I had just as much to do the next day. I had no social life. Getting on stage was the hardest part, though. Two nights a week plus two Saturday shows. And that was for two weeks straight. I couldn’t do my homework between scenes. Some days I would get up on stage and just feel like I wanted to quit singing right in the middle of a song because I had so much else I needed to be doing. But no, I kept going, because I knew how Belle felt. And if I couldn’t leave to go do my homework, at least I could show it in my performance, and then everything would turn out all right. Just like in the story.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, in the stage version, she sings a song called ‘Home,’ where she’s wondering about whether or not she’ll be happy living in the Beast’s castle. And that was how I felt. I had so much to do that I wondered if anything I did was really worth it any more, if I really cared instead of just going through the motions. I’d created this life for myself, but I felt alienated from it. Like I wasn’t able to enjoy what I had. It’s kind of hard to explain.”

“No, I understand.”

“You do?

“I do. Every day.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, anyway, when I got done with each performance, I felt like I’d released some of that anxiety I had, that maybe even though I couldn’t understand why everything had to be so hard, at least in the end it was worth it. And it was.” 

Steve turned away from her. Did being Captain America ever help him release some of the tension of being, well, Captain America? And would it be worth it for him, in the end? 

 

The following year

I've heard it said,  
That people come into our lives  
For a reason  
Bringing something we must learn.  
And we are led  
to those who help us most to grow  
if we let them.  
And we help them in return.

Hillary had been to Eastern Europe several years before as a missionary. She had hoped that as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent she would get to go back more often, yet this was her first trip there and she’d only been officially working for S.H.I.E.L.D. for two years. And it would be brief--Coulson wanted to meet with the S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel who were working undercover in various locations.

On Monday morning Hillary landed in Washington D.C. Coulson picked her up and brought her by the office, helped her and Mitch get briefed for their assignment, took them to lunch, and then they went back to the airport to catch their flight to Paris. She thought she’d might as well have stayed at the airport. 

She expected Coulson to say something about what had happened the previous week, but while he was oddly distant from her he just smiled at her and didn’t say anything. She wanted to talk to Mitch about it, but he seemed reluctant to do it in front of their boss, which was understandable. 

Hillary decided to make a final phone call to her family before flying out. It was five in the evening on the East Coast, and that put Arizona time at two o’clock.

“So everything’s all right with your boss, then?” asked Jo.

“I’m not sure yet,” said Hillary. “He’s...well, he’s right in front of me, so I can’t say everything I’d like to.”

Coulson made a face at her.

“Well, he’s being nice to me,” said Hillary. “I suppose things will work out fine.”

“Well, let me know how it goes,” said Jo. “So Susan has gone to the hospital.”

“Oh really?” said Hillary. 

“Yes. We should be hearing back from them at any time, I guess. Her water broke at eleven this morning. Mike called me and said he was taking her, so I picked up the kids from  
school. And Maddie is over here, too. Marie decided to bring her over to play with Ollie and Linsey.”

“Well, that’s fun.”

“Yes. Linsey is so excited to be a big sister.”

“Have Susan and Mike decided on a name yet?”

“They haven’t,” said Jo. “I guess they’ll decide when the time comes. But they’re all in the living room right now, watching Tangled for a change. And you-know-who is in there, too.”

“Oh, is he Voldemort now?”

Hillary heard a familiar voice on the far end of the phone. 

“Bucky wants to talk to you,” said Jo.

Hillary gave a nod to Coulson and said she’d be right back. The phone was back on her ear just in time. 

“Hey there,” he said.

“Hello,” said Hillary, walking down the hall of the terminal.

“Where are you?”

“I’m in an airport at Washington, D.C., waiting for a flight to go to Paris.”

“Uh-huh. And from there I suppose you’ll catch another plane to Eastern Europe?”

“That’s right.”

“Well, good for you. How soon do you leave?”

“Er, in another hour. We should start boarding here pretty soon. Mom says you’re watching Tangled.”

“Yeah, it’s all right.”

“Do you like it any better than Frozen?”

“It’s all the same to me,” said Bucky. 

“Are you doing okay with the kids there?”

“Yeah. They don’t bother me unless I want them to.”

“I suppose staying in the house all day would have been boring otherwise?”

“I can deal with boredom. But it’s nice to change things up. “You know, I do kinda feel like Rapunzel,” he said. “Not to complain or anything.”

“Well, you do have long hair.”

“My hair’s not that long.”

“I’m just sayin’. But you’re also stuck in one place all the time.”

“Yeah, stuck in one place and can’t get out, and you’re mom’s asking me to do the chores--sweep the floor, clean the bathroom, take out the trash. I had to sweep the trampoline, even. Do you know how hard that is?”

“Yeah, I guess if you’ve never been on one.”

“But when all that’s done, you know, I just sit around.”

Hillary couldn’t help but start the song, “And so I’ll read a book--”

“Or maybe two or three,” he sang quietly.

“I’ll add a few new paintings to my gallery--” They were singing together now. A few people in the airport terminal were looking oddly at Hillary.

“I’ll play guitar--”

“And knit--”

“And cook--”

“And basically--”

“Just wonder when will my life begin,” he finished. “Yeah, that last line especially.”

“Aw,” said Hillary. “I’m sorry you don’t have a life.”

“It’s okay. In a few weeks I’m going to go out and find one.”

“You do that,” said Hillary. 

“Well, hey, I suppose you’ve got lots to do, so I’ll talk to you later,” said Bucky. “It was nice talking to you. You have fun in..wherever you’re going.”

“We’re going to Zagreb first. Ever been there?”

“I hope not, actually.”

They said their goodbyes and he handed the phone back to Jo. Hillary made a few more comments to her mom and hung up.

When she went back to rejoin Mitch and Coulson, Coulson was looking at her strangely. 

“Everything all right?” Coulson asked her.

“You know what, yeah,” she said. “Friend of mine just wanted to talk to me, was all.” She gave Coulson a look that meant that particular friend. 

“Okay,” said Coulson.

 

After the movie was finished, Maddie and Linsey went outside to play on the trampoline. Oliver, however, needed to practice the piano for the day. 

Bucky stayed on the couch and stared at the blank wall next to the TV. It wasn’t the same, being at the Tanners’ house without Hillary there. But it didn’t make sense for him to miss her, did it? 

Jo came into the living room. She gave Oliver some pointers for his practice.

“Don’t bang the notes too loudly,” said Jo, pointing at the page of his music. “See, this P here means this note needs to be quiet, and the F says when it should be loud.” Oliver re-played the tune but with the different volumes she had indicated. “See? You’re sounding better already.” Jo walked away and Oliver finished playing through the song. 

He turned the page and started a different tune. Most of Oliver’s piano music were simple children’s songs. They all sounded the same to Bucky for the most part--well, that was partly from how Oliver was playing them. But this new song had something different to it. 

Jo came to advise Oliver again. “And you see, this mark over all three of the notes, that means you should play them so they go together, not separately. Like this.” Jo played three of the notes smoothly. Oliver copied her. “Yes, exactly!” Jo went back to the kitchen.

Bucky sat up on the couch as Oliver continued to play. “That song,” he said to himself, thinking aloud. “Where have I heard it before?” He sat with his head in his hand, trying to think, trying for once to remember something.

“Excuse me, Oliver,” he said when Oliver finished playing through, “does that song have a name?”

Oliver leaned up to read the top of his sheet music. “It’s called ‘The Sidewalks of New York.’”

“Are there words?”

“Uh-huh.” Oliver started playing again, and as he did he sang loudly over the notes.

“East side, west side,  
All around the town,  
the tots sang ring-a-rosie,  
‘London Bridge is falling down,’”

Bucky was listening intently. And then he started to mouth the words.

“Boys and girls together,  
Me and Mamie O’Rourke -- “

Bucky was singing aloud now.

“Tripped the light fantastic  
On the sidewalks of New York.”

Oliver looked at him. Bucky was standing up.

“Yeah. I know this song. Can you play it again?”

“Sure.”

Bucky went up to the piano and read the lyrics as Oliver played the music. He then let Oliver finish his practicing. 

Oliver finished on the piano and then went outside to join his sister and cousins. Jo was in her bedroom. The room was silent except for the humming of the fish tank.

Bucky sat on the couch, amazed. He had heard that song before somewhere...if Hillary was here she would have said it was obvious where he had heard it before...but if it was something from his past, then it was remarkable, because it wasn’t associated with any of the painful, violent memories that floated through his head all day and all night.  
He went across the room and sat down on the piano bench. He stared down at the keys of the piano, clueless. 

Then he put his right hand up on the keyboard and hit a random note. He tried different keys at random until he found the ones that Oliver had used in the song. Then he tried to play them again in some kind of order. He kept hitting the wrong notes at the wrong time, hitting two keys simultaneously or moving his hand involuntarily. 

“Would you like some help?” Jo asked.

He whipped around, startled. She smiled at him gently.

“I can show you,” she said. 

Bucky didn’t know how to say no.

Jo came and seated herself on the piano bench. Her right arm brushed his left one--his metal one--and she didn’t even flinch. She showed him the key for middle C and demonstrated how to place her hand on the piano. She helped him to play through the song, her fingers guiding his. It sounded discordant, his fingers rubbing hers awkwardly and then bumping into the wrong keys while hers hit the right ones. 

When she took off her hands to let him try, he was stunned for a moment. Something about the resting position of his hands on the piano felt comfortable, and, if he dared admit it to himself, familiar. Even the metal hand, that he hadn’t had in his former life, seemed to be responding to something deeper inside of him. When he played, he still made quite a few mistakes--he paused awkwardly with his left hand at times to try and figure out the chords, and then the right fingers kept hitting the wrong keys. But Jo didn’t interrupt him or correct him, she just smiled and nodded approvingly. 

“That’s a start,” she said. “You keep practicing.”

“For how long?”

“Oh, as long as you feel like. Don’t wear yourself out. And if you have any questions, feel free to ask.”

Jo got onto the computer. Bucky started to play through “The Sidewalks of New York” from the beginning, and he did it three more times before he was tired of slipping up and playing horribly. But he didn’t do it for the way it sounded. He did it because playing the piano reminded him of something, something from before he couldn’t quite put his finger on. And the song was doing something to him--stirring his mind, making him wonder...

“Practice makes perfect, dear,” said Jo when he stood up. “It’s coming along.”

Bucky wondered if she would ask if he had known how to play the piano in his past. A part of him almost wanted her to. But he said nothing. 

 

On the airplane, Coulson and Mitch slept through the in-flight movie, but Hillary brushed up on several of the Balkan languages by skimming through some government guide books. 

In Paris, they changed their business clothes for casual civilian garb, got out fake identification cards, and got on a flight to Zagreb. In their briefing earlier, Coulson had shown them a map of the terminals in the Paris airport and the security cameras, so they knew where to change and how to avoid being seen. It wouldn’t be a completely undercover mission, though: some of Hillary’s contacts in Bosnia and Croatia had connections to the intelligence organizations there, and she also knew a man in Slovenia who had left the Mafia and could drum up some information from his former associates. 

They landed in Zagreb shortly after dawn on Tuesday. Hillary checked her phone after landing and saw that she had a text from her mother with an enclosed picture. It was of a tiny, red-faced baby.

Joseph David Tanner. Born at 8:07 p.m. this evening. 9 lbs 11 oz, 18’’. Susan is doing fine. We are all thrilled. Love, Mom.

Hillary sent a reply:

Glad they finally chose a name for him! LOL just landed in Croatia. Tell her congrats.

Not stopping to rest, Coulson and his two assistants went straight to the other side of town to meet with their first contact, taking a bus. They then got on a bus and traveled to a different city near the Serbian border. Hillary did a lot of the translating. Coulson often gave her a look that meant he was really glad he’d kept her. Hillary didn’t care what he thought as long as she had access to diet coke--and they sold plenty of it in Croatia. 

It was only the beginning of springtime in the mountainous region, with snow still on the ground out in the countryside. They could still see their breath in the cold nights and they dressed warmly after dark and in the early mornings. But the afternoons were warm and they had to strip down several layers, carrying their coats and scarves in awkward bundles. 

On Wednesday they were busy going throughout the city to meet up with various contacts and gather information. Hydra wasn’t terribly busy in that particular city and they left the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents already working there to deal with the housekeeping. That afternoon they got on a bus for another city to make calls there, and then on Thursday took a train to a city just over the border in Bosnia-Herzegovina. They were working mostly in the region where the borders of Bosnia, Croatia, and Serbia came together, and they were within metaphorical hollering distance of the tiny and volatile country of Sokovia.

“S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn’t have anybody on the ground in Sokovia right now,” said Coulson. “Our last agent was arrested by their government a year ago and we had to pay a king’s ransom to get him out. Anti-American sentiment is at an all-time high.”

“Well, it sounds like a perfect breeding ground for Hydra,” said Hillary. 

“So one of these contacts maybe knows what’s going on over there,” said Mitch.

“Right. If they’ve managed to get there.”

 

It was Thursday afternoon in Mesa. Baby Joseph David Tanner had come home from the hospital, and Susan took him with her to visit his grandmother.

Bucky was at the dining room table when he saw them come in. Oliver held open the door for Linsey and for his mother, who entered carrying a large carseat covered with a blanket. His first glimpse of the baby was of a foot resting against the side of the carseat and a chest dressed in blue crossed with a seat buckle. Susan wore a white t-shirt and had her hair in a messy bun, and she looked smaller without her baby bump. She made up for it, however, with the bulky carseat and the diaper bag, which she placed on the counter. 

Jo came around to the kitchen to greet her daughter-in-law. Up close, Bucky could see that Susan had circles under her eyes. Wearily she removed the cover from the carseat and unbuckled the baby.

Oliver came running up to Bucky. “Bucky, look! We’ve got a new baby brother!” He pointed at the baby that Susan was heaving up to her shoulder.

“Yes, I see.”

“Let me get my camera phone,” said Jo, going to her bedroom. “I wanted to take more pictures today. Did you see the ones I already posted on Facebook?”

“Yes I did, Mother. They are wonderful,” said Susan. She carried the baby around to the living room couch. Oliver and Linsey walked around after her, begging to have a turn to hold the baby.

Jo came out of the bedroom with her phone.

“Just don’t take any more pictures of me, Mom,” said Susan. “I look awful.”

“I understand completely,” said Jo. She knelt beside the couch next to Susan and held the phone over the baby’s face to take pictures. Oliver and Linsey climbed up onto the couch next to their mother and brother, laughing excitedly. “Oliver, Linsey, not right this minute--okay, if you want to be like that, then hold it.”

Bucky stood up and walked into the living room. Jo was trying to take close-ups of the baby’s face.

“I need you to get out of the way now, Ollie. Yes, Linsey, you too.” The children obliged her. “Oh, those were some good ones.”

Oliver climbed up to his mother. “Can I hold the baby now?”

“No,” said Susan.

Just then, the baby started to cry a little.

“Oh, now look, you’ve upset him,” said Jo.

“No I didn’t,” said Oliver.

“It’s okay, Mom, he’s probably hungry,” said Susan, sitting him up. “Oliver, if you could grab me the nursing blanket, please.”

“Yes, Mom.”

“He’s probably crying because you wouldn’t let Ollie hold him,” said Linsey.

Jo laughed.

“If the baby is hungry he’s probably not in a mood to be held by anyone,” said Susan. She took the blanket from Oliver and draped it over her chest. Artfully she pulled the baby under it and he ceased fussing. Susan sighed. “He probably is hungry. Maybe I fed him longer ago than I thought.”

“So it’s Joseph David, then,” said Jo. “Are we giving him a nickname?”

“Most likely,” said Susan. “It’s going to be either Joe or Joey.”

“Probably Joey,” said Jo. “Joe is already taken. But if his middle name is David, of course, you could always call him Davey.”

“I guess,” said Susan. “We’ll see what he responds to.”

Jo sat down on the couch and as Susan continued nursing, the two women talked about the names they had heard people had given their babies and why, and what some of those children had grown up to be called instead. When the baby was finished feeding, Susan burped him.

She looked up and saw Bucky sitting on the armchair. “Isn’t ‘Bucky’ short for something?”

“I dunno,” Bucky shrugged. 

“It was James something,” said Jo thoughtfully. “You know, I read the Captain America comics growing up. He had a sidekick named Bucky--but I forget what that was supposed to be short for, so--.”

Bucky coughed.

“Well it’s--quite a coincidence that we have a young man named Bucky right here as well,” said Jo, smiling. 

“Uh-huh,” said Susan, unimpressed.

“Do I get to hold the baby now, Mommy?” asked Linsey.

“In just a minute, as soon as I’ve burped him,” said Susan.

“So how is Hillary doing?”

“Well, I texted her on Tuesday night and she sent a reply. But I haven’t heard from her otherwise. She’s probably busy.”

“But she was coming back for a date with that one guy, right?”

“Right.”

“So what’s she doing over there?”

“I’m not sure. She probably has to keep it confidential.”

“And what are you doing these days?” Susan asked Bucky. “I heard Dad kicked you out of the garage after you ran away.”

“Yeah, he did,” said Bucky. “I’m going to be leaving here in a couple of weeks. But in the meantime, Trey’s got a special project for me.”

“He’s fixing up Cody’s car for when he gets home.”

“It still runs?” asked Susan, aghast. “I thought it was just going to rust to pieces.”

“Trey says it’s fixable,” said Bucky. “I learned enough from him about fixing cars in my time at the garage. He says it’s a skill I can take with me in a future life. For now, I can earn my keep. There’s just a few minor problems with it. Nothing with someone at my skill level couldn’t handle.”

“Well, that’s good to hear,” said Susan. “I wondered why that thing was parked outside.” 

Jo sat down next to Susan. Susan had finished burping the baby and she handed him gently over to Jo.

“But I’m wondering, though, how did he bring it over here from the garage?” asked Susan.

“He towed it,” said Bucky.

“Granny, I wanna hold the baby,” Linsey spoke up.

“It’s not your turn. Let Granny hold him for a minute.”

Oliver started playing a few bars of a practice song on the piano.

“Oliver, no, not while the baby is sleeping,” said Susan.

“Oh, he’s all right,” said Jo, rocking the baby a little bit in her arms.

“Want me to take a few pics of you, Mom?”

“Sure,” said Jo. Susan took a few pictures of Jo holding the baby. Oliver and Linsey were more insistent than ever that they get to hold him, so being careful so as not to wake him, Oliver climbed up onto the couch next to his grandmother, and Jo passed him the baby. Susan took a few shots of him on the camera phone. Then Linsey climbed up next to Oliver. For a few moments they held the baby together.

“Oh, isn’t that sweet?” said Susan.

“So precious,” said Jo. “I’ll have to send you a copy of that one.”

“Mm-hm.”

Then Oliver moved away so Linsey could hold her baby brother by herself. She smiled up at her grandmother as the camera snapped. 

“He’s so heavy,” Linsey said after a minute or so.

“Well, you can pass him back to Granny,” said Susan. “You want to pass him back to grandma?”

Jo got back down on the couch and took the baby from Linsey. She let him snuggle on her shoulder, and she reminisced about when Mike and Jon and Cody had been babies.  
Susan compared little Joseph David to Oliver. 

“He’s only a few days old,” said Susan. “So amazing.”

Jo looked over at Bucky, who had been watching from the armchair. “Here, Bucky, would you like to hold him?”

“What, me?” he said.

“Yes.”

“Oh, no, I don’t hold babies,” he said, waving his hands out in protest.

Susan looked from Bucky to Jo doubtfully.

“Come on,” said Jo. “It’ll be good for you.” She got up off the couch very slowly with the baby in her arms. Bucky could see him beginning to twitch in response to being moved in his sleep. Certainly the moment that baby got anywhere near him it would start screaming loudly. All babies did that near him, sooner or later. 

“Jo, please, I’m content to watch,” he said. But Jo kept moving forward with a smile on her face. She bent down and held out the baby to him. Bucky couldn’t do anything except take him.

The baby had woken up on being passed, and he made a small noise. His head was resting against Bucky’s metal arm, and the long sleeve that he was wearing to hide it wasn’t much of a cushion. But Jo stayed close and helped wrap the baby’s blanket so they were both more comfortable, and then she moved away.

“Just relax,” said Jo. 

Bucky leaned back in the chair. The baby blinked and looked up at him. The baby probably realized that he wasn’t his mother. But Bucky remained as still as possible, trying not to move the baby out of the position in which Jo had placed him. He studied the square, squished face, still a little red and new. The tiny mouth, the little curve of the noise. The tiny eyes that blinked and then studied Bucky’s face in return. They were a brown hazel color and Bucky guessed they were like Jo’s or Hillary’s. The baby also smelled funny. But he didn’t start crying. He didn’t scream because he was being held by the Winter Soldier. He didn’t judge Bucky for his long hair or forlorn eyes. This little child, this newborn baby, he didn’t do any of that. Because people weren’t born judging other people. 

He was everything that Bucky wasn’t. And Bucky knew it. 

Bucky saw the baby’s hand moving, reaching to grasp the thin air. Out of curiosity, Bucky lifted up one of the fingers of his good hand. The baby took it. 

He heard a snapping sound. Bucky looked up and saw Jo standing over them with her camera phone.

“Did you take my picture?”

“Well, did you not want me to?”

Bucky realized that Jo meant well and decided he wouldn’t be angry with her. “You’re fine. I don’t see why you need to be taking pictures of a random stranger holding your grandbaby.”

“You’re not a stranger, Bucky,” said Jo.

He looked down at the baby’s face again. He supposed it didn’t matter to the baby who he was or what relationship he had with this family.

“You want me to take the baby now?”

“Go ahead,” said Bucky. He handed off the baby back to Susan. The baby fussed a little when he reached his mother’s arms, but Susan patted his back and he quieted in a moment.

Bucky went outside to work on Cody’s car. Cody’s car was a beat up old sports car that Trey had parked in the awning outside the family garage. Bucky worked most of the afternoon, rolling under the body of the car on an old skateboard to look at the underside, and then propping the hood up to fix what was broken underneath. It was actually nicer to work without a radio playing full blast: just the birds and the dogs and the cars driving by and the other sounds of the neighborhood were a good enough background. Susan and her family came out of the house and left when Bucky had been out for about an hour or so. It wasn’t any less quiet after they had gone, but there was a difference.

He wondered if that baby would remember him. Years from now, when he was grown up, would he remember being held as baby only a few days old by the random stranger who had lived with his grandparents ? Jo had taken the picture of him, of course. Jo wouldn’t forget. Jo and Trey and Hillary would remember him, years from now...but where would he be then?

He got hot and sweaty mostly from the exertion. He took a few breaks and went inside for long, cold drinks of water. Trey came home from work in the early evening. He inspected Bucky’s progress on the car, gave him a few tips and pointed out other jobs that needed to be done on the vehicle. 

“Will it ever be completely finished?” Bucky asked him.

“No, even on the best cars, there’s always something needing to be fixed.”

Right before bed, he played through “The Sidewalks of New York” on the piano a few times. By the time he was finished, he could do it without too many mistakes. 

 

Friday afternoon came in Eastern Europe. Hillary, Mitch, and Coulson had finished their rounds with the stationed S.H.I.E.L.D. agents there. They had a few leads on some of Hydra’s activities in the region. And in Bosnia, they had encountered a Russian mercenary named Sandro who had promised that he could go undercover into Sokovia for them. He was friends with Natasha Romanoff, he claimed, but as Romanoff was with the Avengers at the time there was no way to get her to vouch for his character. But said he was willing to help with whatever S.H.I.E.L.D. wanted--for a price.

“Just give me two weeks,” he said. “I can find out everything you need to know. What do you want to know?”

“An old lady friend of Hillary’s says there’s something suspicious going on in Sokovia,” Coulson had told him when they had met in a seedy bar on Friday morning. “Something at  
the old castle outside of the city. We suspect Hydra is involved there.”

“I’m not sure how close I can get, but I can definitely find out what’s happening,” said Sandro eagerly. “You won’t be disappointed.” 

With the anti-American and anti-S.H.I.E.L.D. sentiment running high in the region, Sandro’s operation was their best bet for finding out what was going on on the ground in Sokovia. Coulson told him that S.H.I.E.L.D. would offer Sandro “substantial compensation” for his work. They would go to Slovenia in two weeks to follow up with Sandro. 

“Well, I hope it pays off,” said Mitch when they got to the Zagreb airport. 

“What do you think we’ll find there?” asked Hillary.

“If Hydra is behind it, nothing good,” said Coulson. “I’m wondering if that’s where Baron Strucker is, though.”

“Remind me who that is again?” 

“A former S.H.I.E.L.D. consultant,” said Coulson. “But of course, he’s really working on behalf of Hydra.”

They showed their false IDs to the security guards and submitted to a search--they usually traveled light and kept guns and other equipment stashed at their destinations. It was one of the perks, Hillary reflected, of working for an international organization like S.H.I.E.L.D. And she counted herself lucky to still be working for them. 

They arrived in Paris in the early evening. They got dinner at the airport there and went to the gate to wait for their flight to D.C. Hillary planned on mostly sleeping on the way back: she had to catch another flight to Phoenix as soon as they landed. But before takeoff from Paris she noticed that she’d received a text message on her phone. It was from her mother’s number, but it was a picture of Bucky. But he was holding out the phone in front of him for a selfie and making a face. 

Bucky: If they insist on taking pictures of me, fine. In fact I’ll make them wish they hadn’t.

Hillary: How did you get Mom’s phone?

Bucky: She’s letting me use it.

He sent a picture of his face in a different expression. Hillary had to laugh. 

Hillary: So you’re just taking gratuitous selfies?

Bucky: yes.

He was making an L on his forehead with his metal hand in the next shot. 

Hillary: I thought you were trying to keep a low profile.

Bucky: Maybe. You’re not going to show these to anyone, are you?

He sent her another one of him sticking his tongue out. 

Hillary: Send one more and I’ll forward them to Steve Rogers. ALL OF THEM.

Bucky: You’re the worst.

But he sent her one more anyway, him staring up at the ceiling from the floor with a bored expression on his face.

Hillary had to laugh aloud. 

Bucky: Well, he’s out with the Avengers so he’s not going to get them anytime soon.

Hillary: But he will get them eventually.

Bucky: When will you be home?

Hillary: Tonight. Late.

Bucky: Not soon enough.

Hillary: I thought you hated me.

Bucky: I thought the same of you.

Hillary: and I thought I was coming home for my date, not to see you

Bucky: So?

Hillary: Maybe you don’t hate me?

Bucky: well maybe you don’t either because you’re not so mad at me you won’t spend the weekend in the same house as me

Hillary: well, I guess I can tolerate you

Bucky: Back at ya

Bucky sent a picture of himself pointing his index finger at the screen--clearly a message intended for Hillary. 

Hillary was laughing aloud.

“What’s so funny, McGee?” asked Mitch from over to one side.

Hillary took a selfie with a facial expression that was both funny and expressive of her annoyance.

Bucky sent one of him making a peace sign with his metal fingers.

Hillary gave a burst of laughter.

Coulson folded down his newspaper. “Well, what could we possibly be laughing about?”

“Someone has way too much time on their hands,” said Hillary, and she texted the same message back to Bucky.

“Who does?” asked Coulson.

Hillary looked up at him, arching her eyebrows.

Coulson arched his back.

“Come on,” said Coulson.

“I s’pose...it wouldn’t hurt if I showed you.” She held up her phone and the picture of Bucky making the peace sign.

Mitch exploded with laughter.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” said Coulson. “We’re busting our butts to look for him, and he’s sending you selfies?”

“I know,” said Hillary. “But I think he gets a kick out of it.”

“Out of what?”

“Bothering me.”

Coulson scowled. “Cannot believe that’s the guy who almost killed me last year. You are not forwarding that to Steve.”

“I know,” said Hillary. “But I’ll show him someday, maybe.”

An announcement came over the PA that the flight would be boarding in a few minutes. Hillary sent him a final text.

Coulson is not impressed with your antics. Get your butt back to work. Tell Mom and Dad I’ll call when I’m in D.C.

As they were waiting in line to board, Mitch asked, “So what are you doing for Easter Weekend, Coulson?”

“Nothing, I guess,” said Coulson. “I don’t have any friends in D.C. I just hang out with you guys all the time. But here in a few weeks, I’m hoping we’ll start spending more time at headquarters.”

“Sounds like a plan,” said Hillary.

“Well, for me it’s just go home and help with the Easter Egg hunt, as usual,” said Mitch.

“Same here.”

“That sounds like fun,” said Coulson. “It’s been years since I’ve dyed eggs or hidden them. I don’t have any kids in my life--not even nieces and nephews. I don’t get to do Easter  
often enough.”

“Well, that’s too bad,” said Hillary. “Because nieces and nephews are the best.”

“I don’t have any nieces or nephews,” said Mitch. “I do have younger cousins, though. And first cousins once removed. Too many of my cousins that are older than me got married and had kids already.” 

“Well, it’s nice that you’re all so close,” said Coulson. 

All three of them managed a decent sleep on the flight from Paris to Washington. When they landed, Coulson turned on his cell phone before the other passengers had started to disembark. And it was lucky that he had, since he noticed that he had a voice mail. 

“That was from Agent Parsons,” said Coulson. “He wants me to call him.”

“Is something happening down there?” asked Hillary.

“I don’t think so,” said Coulson. He dialed Parsons’ number and was on the phone for the next several minutes. Mitch had to get Coulson’s briefcase and carry-on bag out of the overhead compartment in addition to his own luggage, and Coulson could only take the briefcase and Mitch was stuck carrying it up the walkway. Hillary thought he’d have to take it through the whole terminal to their transfer flights when Coulson finally hung up.

“So it turns out I do have plans for Easter Weekend,” said Coulson. “Parsons needs help with questioning some of the Hydra people we arrested last month.”

“Well, do you want me to take care of it?” asked Hillary. “Because I can help you out, Coulson.”

“No, you go on your date,” said Coulson, taking back his extra bag from Mitch. “Parsons needs me to intervene with this personally. I should be busy most of Saturday.”

“And what about Sunday, then?” said Hillary. 

“I’m not sure,” said Coulson.

“Because if you wanted to, I’m sure you could come over to my family’s place for dinner. That is, if you had the time.”

“Well, really, Hillary, that’s thoughtful of you. But I thought there was someone staying with your family that didn’t want to see me?”

“Oh,” said Hillary. “You’re right. Well, let me call my folks. I wanted to call them up anyway.”

Mitch left them to catch his flight out to California, and he hugged them both and wished them Happy Easter. Coulson talked to the AirFrance customer service counter about getting his luggage transferred, and then Hillary followed him across the terminal to the Southwest desk so he could go buy a ticket. Fortunately there was an empty seat on Hillary’s flight. Hillary called her folks while she was waiting for Coulson to finalize the details with Southwest, and she hung up just as he stepped away from the counter.

“So what did your folks say?”

“They said you were more than welcome to come.”

“And your friend?”

“He’ll go to Uncle Kenny’s. It’s not a problem. And you can have his room, too, if you wanted.”

“No, I’ll be staying in a hotel. I don’t need to crash at your parents’ place.”

Hillary sighed. “This is stupid.”

“You’ve got me,” said Coulson. 

“Well, it’s not just because of me, it’s him. He doesn’t want to see you. I’ve told him that--”

“I’m Cap’s biggest fan, yeah.”

“And if I let you anywhere near him he’d probably run away again.”

“Well, let him,” said Coulson. “He’s being an idiot. But that’s not saying I don’t have faith in him.”

“You do?”

“It gets tested at times, but yeah, I do. I still do. But I hope you told him that I know how it feels, to have to hide all the time.”

“No, I haven’t,” said Hillary. “But I will.” 

Hillary sent a quick text to Mark Lawson to tell him she was on her way back for the weekend. He replied that he was excited to see her. 

The flight to Phoenix was uneventful. They met Agent Parsons at the baggage claim at Sky Harbor. Parsons was...surprised that she hadn’t been fired the previous week, and obviously less than pleased to see her. But he said nothing, and neither did Hillary. Coulson agreed to call Hillary if he could come to Easter dinner on Sunday, and he wished her luck on her date. 

Trey came to pick her up from the airport and drive her home. 

When Hillary walked through the back door, Bucky was sitting at the kitchen counter, talking to Jo.

“JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES!” she shouted.

“HILLARY MORGAN TANNER!” he shouted back.

“Who told you my middle name?” Hillary asked.

Bucky pointed his thumb at Jo.

“He wanted to know about it,” said Jo, shrugging.

“For what, buster, blackmail?”

“I figured if you knew mine then I’d better learn yours,” said Bucky. He looked rather pleased with himself.

“Why were you texting me gratuitous selfies when you knew I was at work?”

“Because I knew you’d like it.” He winked, which meant he clearly knew she’d hate it.

“Did you miss me that much? I only went away for a week. I’ve been gone longer than that before.”

He slid off the bar stool to stand in front of her.

“Well, I was bored.”

They hugged each other, and Hillary laughed quietly.

“Come here,” he said when they pulled apart. “I want to show you something.” He took her by the hand and led her into the living room.

“What? I just got back home and I need to unpack. I’ve got a date tomorrow. What’s this about?” 

They stopped in front of the piano. “Have a seat,” he said, indicating the piano bench.

They sat down. “What? Did you want to show me something?”

“Yes.” He scooted the bench in closer. Then he put his hands on the keys and started to play. Hillary didn’t realize what was happening until a few notes in. He was playing the piano. No sheet music, just straight from memory. It wasn’t the most polished playing in the world but it was still amazing to hear--to think what those hands had been doing just a year ago…

“Wow, that’s...amazing, Bucky,” said Hillary. “What song is that?”

“That was...from out of your nephew’s practice book. Some old ditty called ‘The Sidewalks of New York.’”

“And this is significant because…?”

“Don’t know,” said Bucky, shaking his head. “It just...sounded interesting.”

Hillary wanted to ask if it was something he had remembered from his past--from his life before Hydra--but she knew he didn’t want to hear that. But she did have another question for him, though.

“And you can play this...entirely from memory, after only hearing it once or twice from Oliver?”

“Yeah,” Bucky nodded. “After a while it got stuck in my head. I just...knew I could do it, once I’d practiced it.”

“No music, just…”

“I don’t need sheet music. All it took was figuring out how to play the notes right. And your mom helped me out.”

“Wow, that’s...incredible,” said Hillary. “I can’t believe it.” She stared at the piano keys for a moment, speechless. Of course it was something he had remembered how to do. 

“Well, hey, you’ve figured out one song. Wanna learn some more?”

“Sure, I guess, if you’re not too busy?”

“Well, I guess the unpacking can wait. You’ve seen Frozen a few times, right?”

“Yeah. Are we going to be playing the songs from that?”

“If you can figure them out,” said Hillary. She started playing the intro to “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?” Bucky played the melody line, and she filled in with the harmony. For an improvised duet, it didn’t sound that bad. Then he wanted to play “When Will My Life Begin?” from Tangled, which was a much more complicated song. He struggled a bit on the verses and Hillary had to show him. But he picked up on the chorus just fine. 

“That was fun,” Hillary said. “We should do that some more this weekend.”

“I agree. We should,” said Bucky. They turned around on the bench and faced away from the piano.

Hillary sighed. “I’m sorry I kicked you out for Easter dinner.”

“No, it’s fine,” he said. “Kenny was more than willing to take me. But you know how I feel about this, and I’m grateful that you respect my feelings--”

“I know,” Hillary nodded.

“But I’m not ready for anyone from S.H.I.E.L.D. to see me yet, and if it’s someone that I tried to kill in my former life then I’m even less willing.”

“I figured.”

“And your dad says it’s okay for me to be taking this at my own pace.”

“I know. But you shouldn’t be trolling me over the phone while I’m at work. You act like an overgrown teenager sometimes.”

“I can see that. And you’re more like a mother hen the way you get mad at me sometimes.”

“But you like the attention.”

“Yeah.” 

“So how has it been here this week?”

“It’s been okay,” said Bucky. “I haven’t been out of the house once. I don’t go further than the front walk. Your mom keeps me busy doing chores. And your dad has me working fixing up your brother’s car.”

“Yeah, Mom told me. How is that coming along?”

“It’s going to take a while,” he said. He gave her some of the details.

“Well, I’m glad it’s keeping you busy,” said Hillary. “Say, if you’re not too...preoccupied, you want to do something tomorrow?”

“I guess. Did you have anything in mind?”

“Not really. Maybe we could just go to the park and talk. Something like that.”

“Okay. What time do you need to be here for your date?”

“I don’t know for sure. Mark hasn’t given me the details yet. But I imagine it will probably be in the late afternoon, when he comes to pick me up. We’ll go out about after lunch. Does that sound good?”

“It does.”

He helped Hillary take her stuff to her room, and they said goodnight. He went to bed while she stayed up, unpacking her things while listening to music through her headphones. 

 

The next morning while she was getting ready for the day Mark Lawson texted her to finalize the details of their date. He would pick her up at six. They would go out for a light dinner afterwards and be back around ten.

 

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true  
But I know I'm who I am today  
Because I knew you.

 

After lunch they went to the park near her house, the park where Hillary had talked with Mark the previous week. The lawn on the park was fully green for the first time that year, and the sky was clear and they could see the front bulwark of Superstition Peak.

“Are you still mad at me,” he asked her, “about what happened with Steve?”

Hillary shook her head. “I’ve gotten over it. There’s bigger things to worry about, I guess. Are you mad at me at all? For being harsh?”

“No. I understand where you were coming from. I mean, that’s why I came back, because I knew you’d be upset. I thought your parents would be upset, too, and they weren’t.”

“Well, they just know better than to lash out when they’re angry,” said Hillary. “Especially at somebody they love. They treat me the same way.”

“I’m a total stranger, Hillary,” said Bucky. “A nobody. Why would they treat me like one of their own?”

“Because that’s the best way to love someone,” said Hillary. 

“What is?”

“The best way to love someone is to treat them like they’re your family. Because that’s who they really are.”

Bucky was silent for a moment. “That’s deep,” he commented.

“Yeah. But it’s true. And yet we take it for granted way too often. So are you going to go talk to Grace and apologize for possibly breaking her heart?”

“Yeah, that sounds like it,” said Bucky. “If she’ll even let me near her, I mean, people don’t just go looking up other people randomly. That’s considered stalking, right?”

“I suppose you don’t have a lot of options at this point,” said Hillary. “But hopefully, best case scenario, she’ll be right where you left her in Denver, at that homeless shelter. And she’ll be willing to listen to you.”

“And then what?”

“I don’t know. I guess see what she wants. But it’s been maybe six months, now, since that happened, or more. She’s probably gotten over it.”

“But if she hasn’t?”

Hillary looked at him. “Have you?”

“That’s a good question,” said Bucky. He shoved his hands a little deeper into his jacket pockets. “I haven’t, to be honest. Aside from the fact that I up and left her without saying goodbye, aside from feeling bad about that, she’s the only good thing I have to think about. Just...when I kissed her, I don’t know what came over me. It’s like I didn’t want that feeling to end.”

“Well, do you just want to make out with her or do you really want to spend time with her and be in a real relationship with her? You need to think about your feelings. If you just kissed her forever or had sex with her maybe one time or a few times, would that go away, that feeling of liking her? Or are there other things you want to do with her?”

“Well,” said Bucky, “in a perfect world, where me having a metal arm and being the Winter Soldier didn’t matter, or if that wasn’t the situation I was in, I would love to spend more time with her. Do the things that normal couples do. Talk with her. Go on walks. Go to the movies. Hold hands and cuddle. Go places with her. Do things together. Love her.”

“So you want a relationship with her?”

“Yes.”

“Well, can you make it work?”

“Well, if she’s still in Denver and working at that homeless shelter and going to school, maybe,” said Bucky. “We had...we had something going, I feel like.”

“Well, if you can pick up where you left off, that would be great.”

Bucky looked at the ground. “But I wonder if I was kidding myself, though, into thinking she really liked me.”

“She kissed you. She probably does.”

“But what if she doesn’t? What if she never did? Or what if she did, but now she doesn’t anymore?”

“Well, it won’t hurt you to find out, I suppose.”

“What if it does?”

“Well, that’s life,” said Hillary. “I don’t know. I have the same anxieties about Mark sometimes. What if he likes me? What if I like him? Or what if I don’t? But I don’t let those doubts stop me. You know.”

“Well, you’re not me.”

“Well, Grace isn’t you, either,” said Hillary.

They came to a bench under some mesquite trees. They sat down.

“I don’t know what else to tell you,” Hillary told him. “Just...be yourself. Be honest with her about your struggles. From the sound of things, maybe she can help you. I don’t know.” She paused for a moment. “Do you know what you’re going to do if you find out Grace doesn’t want you?”

“I haven’t gotten that far yet,” said Bucky. “Your mom says I need to take this one step at a time, one day at a time. That’s the best I can manage.”

“You know,” said Hillary, “I never would have thought I’d be saying this, but I’m going to miss you when you go. “

“Well,” he said, “they say home is where your heart is. And my heart is in Denver.” He looked up at her slowly. “Besides, you know I don’t belong here.”

“I know,” said Hillary. He stood up and he started to walk away. 

Hillary stood up. “But you could belong here,” she said. He stopped. “If you wanted to. No matter where you go, you will always have a place with us. You could bring Grace down here, if she wanted to come with you. Talk to her about it.”

Bucky shrugged. “I’m not sure she’d like it here.” 

Hillary didn’t know how else to tell Bucky how she felt. She felt selfish wanting to keep him there or wanting him to come back after he had gone. He belonged to Steve, she knew that. Hillary should never have been in Bucky’s life to start with. But she loved him enough now to let him belong in her life.

“You wanna go home?” she asked him.

“Sure.” 

They didn’t speak to each other on the way home. When they arrived, Bucky went to his room. Hillary got on Facebook to try and forget her own conflicting emotions. 

 

Six in the evening came around. Bucky was playing the piano a song he’d heard on the radio earlier in the week, “You and Me” by Lifehouse. Hillary was so impressed that he could play just from memory. He said it was stuck in his head and playing it helped get it out.

He must have been some kind of a virtuoso in his former life, Hillary thought as she listened to him from the bathroom while she got ready. A really talented musician. I’d have to ask Steve about it sometime. 

She heard a knock on the front door.

“I’ll get it,” she called from the bathroom.

But Bucky had already stopped playing. 

“Well, hello there,” came Mark’s voice.

“Yes, how can I help you?” said Bucky.

“I’m here to pick up Hillary.”

“You are? Well, that’s an interesting story.”

“No, I really am,” said Mark, laughing.

“Uh-huh. Where are you taking her?”

“The Easter pageant.”

“Oh really?”

“Where is Hillary?”

“She’s getting ready -- “

“I’m ready,” said Hillary, walking down the hallway. “Hi, Mark,” she said. He was dressed in a plaid shirt with rolled-up sleeves. Bucky was leaning on the doorway with his arms folded. 

“Hi, Hillary,” said Mark. “You look great. Are you ready to go?”

“I’ll be ready in just a minute,” said Hillary.

“Funny, I thought you already said you were ready?” said Bucky.

“I am. I just need to put my shoes on and grab my purse. Also, is it going to be cool tonight? Do I need a jacket?”

“You’ll be fine,” said Mark.

“All right, then. Bucky, why don’t you let him come inside and sit down? Introductions, Mark, this is Bucky, Bucky, this is Mark...but you’ve heard about each other, of course.”

“Charmed,” said Mark.

“Pleased to meet you,” said Bucky. They shook hands. 

“Anyway, have a seat,” said Hillary. “I’ll be right back.”

She could still hear them talking from down the hallway.

“So, yeah, she’s told me about you. A lot about you. I...also saw your picture at the Captain America exhibit, I guess. It’s been a while.”

“Hm, it’s not up to date.”

“So...do you...I mean, I knew Steve Rogers, too, back in D.C.”

“Yeah, Hillary mentioned that.”

“But he never mentioned you. At least I don’t recall--”

“Well, there’s not much to say,” said Bucky quickly. “So tell me about you.”

“Well, I’m...twenty-four years old. I lived on the east coast, up until recently. I’m an accountant. And I like going out and having fun, I guess. I’m one of those guys.”

“So do you like her?”

“Who?”

“Hillary?”

“Ah, well -- “ He broke off. Then he said, “Are Hillary’s parents around?”

“What, do you not want to be overheard--?”

The kitchen door opened and Trey entered. 

“There you are!” said Mark. He jumped off the couch a little too eagerly. 

“Mark, how are you?” asked Trey.

“Doing great, how are you?”

“Doing well. I’m sure Jo is in our room.” Trey went up to the door to the master bath. “Honey, Hillary’s date is here. Did you want to come say hi?”

“Yes, I did,” Jo answered him as she came out of the room. “There you are, Mark, it’s so nice to meet you in person. Please, call me Jo.”

“I’m glad to meet you, Jo,” said Mark, shaking hands with her.

Hillary came out of the hallway. “I’m ready to go now, Mark.”

“Great.”

“Well, you two have a good time,” said Trey.

“We will, sir,” said Mark. “I’ll take good care of your daughter.”

“That’s right, you’d better,” Bucky spoke up. “You’ll have me to answer to if you don’t.”

“Bucky, don’t be planning anything violent,” Hillary warned him.

“I wasn’t going to do anything violent,” said Bucky. “Probably just hang him upside-down from the trampoline.”

“Bucky, that isn’t nice,” said Jo.

“Well, I’m just saying.” 

“Don’t worry,” said Mark. “I think she probably wouldn’t let me go on a date with her if I wasn’t nice to her.”

Hillary hugged both of her parents goodbye.

“Take care,” said Trey.

“I will.”

“Have fun,” Jo told her.

“And if he bothers you,” said Bucky. “I -- “

“He won’t,” said Hillary.

“I’m just saying, if he does.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Hillary said, hugging him. Then she went over to Mark’s side. “I’ll see you later,” she said as she stepped out the front door, waving. Mark closed it.

“You have a great family,” Mark said as they strolled together down the front walk.

“Why thank you. But, really, though, you haven’t met all of them.”

“I know I haven’t,” said Mark. “Do I get to?”

“Someday, maybe.”

Mark opened the passenger door for her.

When he got into the driver’s seat and turned the car on, Hillary said, “So yeah, that’s Bucky.”

“So he came back? I thought he ran away.”

“He did. But we’re kicking him out again, pretty soon. When my brother Cody comes back.” 

Mark laughed. “Well, that’s too bad. He’s a great guy. A little protective of you, isn’t he?”

“Well...maybe he’s just not over the whole Hydra thing.”

“You told him I was in the clear, right?”

“Yeah. Uh-huh. He’s...I dunno.”

“Teasing you?”

“Yeah, that’s probably right. So how are you doing?”

Mark sighed. “Doing all right.”

“Are you still looking for a place to work?”

“Yeah, I am. I’ve got an interview with another company in Phoenix next week. But Resser Fruits is trying hard to keep people on. They’ve offered to increase my salary.”

“By how much?”

“Too much. But, I’m hoping to stay local,” said Mark. “So far I’ve really liked it here.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I just hope you don’t change your mind when the summer comes.”

“As long as I have someplace to work with air conditioning, I’ll be fine.”

“So tell me, are you doing anything for Easter?”

“What, are you trying to bring me over to your house again tomorrow?”

“No, no, no. I’m not doing that to you. I was just wondering --” 

“I wouldn’t put it past you.”

“What?”

“I’m just teasing you!” Mark grinned. “But really, I have a friend who’s invited me over to his house for dinner tomorrow. I’ll be fine. Besides, Bucky probably wouldn’t let me through the front door next time I came over.”

Hillary laughed. “Well, actually, Bucky won’t be with us for dinner. He’s going to my uncle Kenny’s. My boss is coming over.”

“Oh. Wow. Okay. That should be fun.”

“You should meet my boss sometime,” said Hillary. He’s a great guy. You’d like him.”

“Well, it doesn’t have to be tomorrow, right?”

“Not at all.” 

They both enjoyed the Easter Pageant immensely. Hillary had seen it before, but it had been years and the show was completely different. And Mark, of course, was new to the thing entirely. But they both were dazzled by the special effects and moved by the the spiritual messages. They went to Arby’s afterward and shared a french dip sandwich and fries. He got her a milkshake too, though he wasn’t too inclined for one himself.

When they pulled up in front of Hillary’s front walk, she agreed to let him walk her to the door.

“Do your parents wait up for you on dates?”

“Usually. I don’t know, actually. It’s been years since I’ve been on a date at home. But they always did wait up.”

“That’s nice. I never really went on dates with anyone when I lived at home. And most of the other girls I’ve been out with, they never lived with their parents.”

“Well, I don’t really live here. I just...I’m just staying here for the weekend. Heh heh.”

They reached the doorstep.

“I suppose...if I’m going to be coming here more frequently, I should probably start using the back door.”

“Hm, maybe you’d better wait on that. And I don’t know if I’m going to be home again anytime soon. I mean, except for in three weeks when Cody comes home.”

“Right, and when Bucky leaves.”

“Oh. Yeah. I guess that’s when that happens.”

“But do you want to go out with me again? I mean, would you like to?”

“Of course! I had a really great time tonight.”

“Exactly. So I imagine when you come back in three weeks you’ll probably be busy--”

“I can make time to see you.”

“If you want to,” Mark shrugged. “But it doesn’t have to be big.”

“Fair enough. And then after that?”

“You’re assuming you’ll still want to be going out with me after a month from now?”

“Safe assumption to make, I suppose. I mean if tonight was any indication...I’d really like to be with you more. If you want to be with me.”

Mark looked at her, his eyes wide behind his glasses. “Really? Oh, that would be great.” 

He looked at her as though expecting her to say something else. But she was also waiting for him. But it was also the part of the typical date where they said goodbye.

“Well...I guess I’ll text you, when I’m back in town.”

“Right. You can do that.”

“And it doesn’t have to be big next time. We don’t even have to go out to eat.”

“Right. So I’ll text you or call you sometime, I suppose.”

“Right. And if you want, you can text me during the week, while I’m out with S.H.I.E.L.D.. I get busy but sometimes if I have nothing better to do I could text you back.”

“Well, that’s assuming I won’t be too busy to text you, either. But anyway. That sounds like a plan. I’ll for sure text you.”

“You too.” Hillary was right on the verge of telling him goodnight. But then the lock clicked and the front door creaked open.

“Well well,” said Bucky, leaning on the doorway again. “Have you two been sitting here chatting for the last four hours or what?”

“Bucky!” said Hillary in exasperation.

“Way to kill the moment,” Mark said.

“Oh I’m sorry. Were we about to get all romantic?”

“Not even! You jerk.” Hillary looked at him in disgust.

“Well, you should probably come inside before you do something stupid, Hillary,” said Bucky. Then he looked at Mark and said, “And you should probably clear the premises. Like, pretty soon.”

“Get out of here, you, and I’ll kick him out for ya,” said Hillary. Bucky backed away out of the doorframe.

“Sorry about that,” Hillary apologized.

“It’s all right,” said Mark. “Well, have fun.”

“You too.”

“Goodnight.”

They gave each other a hug.

“Happy Easter,” Mark called as he walked away.

“You too!”

Hillary shut the front door just as Mark was revving up his engine. She looked at Bucky.

“Well!”

“Well what?” said Bucky. He was sitting on the living room couch, watching her over his shoulder.

“You just get a real kick out of driving me crazy, don’t you?” said Hillary.

“Eh, it’s my specialty,” said Bucky, throwing his arms behind his head. “I figured it’s the one thing I’m good at.”

Hillary walked up next to the arm of the couch. “Are you...jealous?”

“Jealous? Of Mark? No, not at all. Not in a romantic way.”

“So that’s it then? You’re ruining our date just for spite?”

“It kind of works.”

“So what have you been doing all evening?”

“Well, your dad and I worked on the car for a little bit after dinner, and then I played with the cat. And now your parents are in bed. So what do you want to do?”

She sat down on the armchair. “I dunno. Sit up and talk?”

“That might work. How was the Easter Pageant?”

“It was pretty cool--actually, no, take that back, it was amazing!” Hillary started filling in the details for Bucky, describing to him the performance she and Mark had seen. He  
asked her, of course, how dinner with Mark afterward had gone. He pressed her for details and teased her--or at least she thought Bucky was teasing her--that Mark liked her.

“What, you think he doesn’t like you? A guy has to be really motivated to ask a girl out on a date--or accept one from her, even.”

“Are you speaking from experience?”

“Maybe,” said Bucky.

“But come on, Mark and I have been friends for years. But I don’t know him well enough to say if he likes me or not.”

“Well, if you’re getting to know him better, haven’t you figured it out yet?”

“What, can you tell? You hardly know him.”

“I know. But judging, just judging from what you’ve told me about him, and from the look on his face whenever he sees you, you know, I kind of get that feeling from him. I think  
he’s interested, Hillary.”

Hillary threw her head back on the armchair. “Thanks for getting my hopes up.”

“Hey, I’m your friend, it’s my job. Besides, you’ve gotten mine up plenty of times before now. It’s even.”

She groaned.

“You don’t go on that many dates, do you?” he asked her.

“No I don’t.”

“Well. Don’t pass this guy up. You’ll never know if you wish you hadn’t. You know, that’s why I’m going back to Grace. To see where it goes.”

Hillary nodded, looking at the ceiling. “It could do a lot of good for you. I hope you find her. And I hope...well, it all goes well.” 

“Thanks.”

They said goodnight to each other, and Bucky went to bed. 

 

Like a comet pulled from orbit  
As it passes a sun,  
Like a stream that meets a boulder  
Halfway through the wood.  
Who can say if I've been changed for the better  
But because I knew you.  
I have been changed for good.

 

Hillary did get a text that night from Coulson, saying he should be free of his other obligations by the following afternoon. The Tanner family’s Easter Dinner would not be until five, so she told him he was welcome any time the following afternoon.

In the morning, when Hillary got up for church, there was a little Easter basket sitting on the table.

“Aw, that’s cute, who is that for?” asked Hillary.

“It’s for you,” said her mother, who was in the kitchen stuffing the ham into a crock pot.

“Aw, thank you,” she said.

“Happy Easter, hon.”

“It was nice to not have to mail it to you,” said Trey from the living room computer.

“Ha ha.”

Hillary emptied the basket out. There was a bag of robin’s eggs candy and a chocolate caramel bunny. There was a travel-sized set of body lotion and bath soap in lilac scent, and a little moleskine notebook and pen, which she assumed were from her parents. There was also a bottle of diet coke.

“I picked that out,” said Bucky, walking up behind her.

“Wow, thanks,” said Hillary, not even looking up.

“You’re welcome.”

Bucky was wearing a t-shirt and jeans over his long-sleeved undershirt and had his hair in a ponytail.

“So when are you going to Kenny’s?” she asked, turning around to face him.

“He should be here to pick me up in a little while,” Bucky shrugged. “When is Coulson coming over?”

“This afternoon, before dinner.”

“Cool.”

“Are you going to church with Kenny’s family?”

“I’m planning on it. I guess Easter’s a time for going to church.”

“Yeah, well going to church isn’t just for Easter and Christmas.”

“Well, that’s how you were raised. And you’re also the kind of person who has a life and who can afford to do that.”

“Yeah, just rub it in, don’t you?” Hillary shook her head.

“Meh.”

Hillary went to the cupboard and got some cereal for breakfast. Bucky sat next to her at the bar and talked to her, though she tried to keep an eye on the clock so he didn’t keep her there too long.

At about a quarter to ten, there was a knock at the kitchen door.

Bucky excused himself and went to answer it. Hillary heard his yell of surprise, but Jo saw Bucky get tackled as Kenny’s dog Ace barked and jumped on him, knocking him to the floor of the utility room.

Bucky laughed. “I missed you too, buddy,” he said, hugging the dog as his face got licked.

“Ace, get off,” said Kenny. Kenny helped Bucky to his feet.

“How are ya, kid?”

“Doing good, thanks,” said Bucky. “I’ll go get my stuff.”

Kenny came into the kitchen to talk to Jo. Trey got off of the computer and joined him. Hillary had the chance to finish her breakfast while she watched them talk. Ace walked around the counter to Hillary’s side and she gave him a scratch on the neck. Bucky went to his room and came back with his church clothes on hangers--a pair of slacks, a white shirt, her brother Mike’s green vest, and one of her dad’s old ties.

He came by to give Hillary a hug around the shoulder.

“You have a good day today, hear?”

“You do too.”

“Take care.”

He said a few goodbyes to Jo and Trey, and then Kenny called for Ace and they left. 

Hillary wore a yellow lace dress and curled her hair for church. After their Sunday meetings were finished, the three Tanners came home and started to get ready for dinner. Greg and Julia were going to Greg’s family for Easter so they were not expected. Mike and Susan’s family were the first to come over. Mike, in the absence of Bucky, helped put out the extra leaves on the table. Jon and Marie came next, bringing Grandma Agnes in addition to their children. Hillary had to stoop down to give her grandmother a hug as she walked in the house.

“How are you, Grandma?” asked Hillary.

“I am well, darling,” she said, kissing Hillary’s cheek. “I haven’t seen you in a long while, dear. Have you been busy with work?”

“Yes, I have,” said Hillary. “I’ve been traveling all over. I went back to Croatia and Bosnia last week.”

“That’s wonderful, dear.” 

Trey helped his mother to go to the living room, but rather than the armchair she asked to be seated on the couch next to Susan, who was rocking her baby. Grandma Agnes fawned over the baby while Marie, Hillary, and Jo worked in the kitchen. Mike and Jon had gone to the master bedroom to get ready for the Easter Egg hunt. Trey was in the living room playing with the grandkids. Hillary was making the deviled eggs.

“Hillary, when is your boss going to be here?” asked Jo.

“You’ve got me, Mom,” said Hillary. “I texted him after we got back from church and gave him the address. If he isn’t lost, he should be here any minute.”

There came a knock at the kitchen door. 

“I wonder who that could be,” said Marie.

“Did you tell him to come through the kitchen door?” said Jo.

“Come in!” Hillary called.

The kitchen door opened. In entered Phil Coulson, dressed in his black suit as always but wearing a tie decorated with Easter eggs.

“Hello, everyone,” he said. “Happy Easter.”

“Nice to see you, boss, come in,” said Hillary.

“Hi,” said Jo, smiling brightly. Quickly she rinsed off her hands, wiped them on her apron, and shook hands with Coulson. “It’s so nice to meet you. Hillary’s told us so much about you.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Tanner.”

“Please, call me Jo.” Jo introduced Marie, who was still making the jello salad. Trey came into the living room, followed by Oliver and Linsey. 

“Look, Grandad!” exclaimed Oliver, “That guy has Easter eggs on his tie!”

“Look at the pretty eggs!” said Linsey. “Did you get your tie from the Easter Bunny?”

Coulson smiled gently. “Yes, I did. As a matter of fact the Easter Bunny is real. I’ve met him.”

Oliver gasped. “But then is Santa Claus, too, and the Tooth Fairy?”

“Yes, they’re all real.” said Coulson. “My job at S.H.I.E.L.D. is to make sure they can help good little boys and girls like you.” 

“Cool!” said Oliver.

“But I’m not a good little girl!” said Linsey. “My mommy called me a pain in the butt today!”

“Linsey!” Susan called from the living room.

Coulson smiled slowly. Hillary laughed aloud.

“Make yourself at home, sir,” said Trey, patting Coulson on the shoulder. Coulson was a good deal shorter than Bucky, and he was a full head below Trey. But his entire figure radiated composed confidence, Hillary thought. Even entering the highly unusual setting of a family’s Easter dinner didn’t phase him. Coulson paused in front of Susan and Grandma Agnes and Trey introduced them.

“And who are you?” Grandma Agnes asked, adjusting her glasses for a better look at him.

“I’m Phil Coulson, I’m Hillary’s boss and the director of S.H.I.E.L.D..”

“Oh,” said Susan, nodding.

“A director? Of the company she works for? Well, we’re certainly honored to have you here, sir. But what’s the occasion?” Agnes inquired.

“Well, I happened to be in the neighborhood and Hillary invited me to come over for dinner. Easter would be the occasion.”

“Oh,” said Grandma Agnes. 

Trey got pulled aside to play with his grandchildren again, and Coulson sat down and made himself comfortable on the couch. Grandma Agnes took a few minutes to hold baby Joseph David, and then she had to get up and go to the bathroom. 

“Well, yes, I suppose we can set him on the couch for a moment while I help you up.”

“I can take the baby,” said Coulson.

“Oh, no, you don’t have to,” Susan protested.

“I am sure he will be fine,” said Grandma Agnes.

“No, please,” said Coulson, moving to get off of his chair. "I don't mind."

“I’ll get him,” said Susan. She handed the baby over to Coulson. He leaned back. “Thank you,” she said.

“Not a problem,” said Coulson.

While Susan helped Grandma Agnes walk to the bathroom, Hillary was taking a break, and she brought her phone over to the living room. She snapped a couple of photos of  
Coulson holding the baby. She thought she was being surreptitious, but then he looked up at her.

“Oh, I’m sorry, boss--”

“It’s okay.”

“I can delete those.”

“No. Keep ‘em. I don’t get to hold babies that often.” He looked down at the one he was holding. “In fact I can’t recall the last time I did.” 

Hillary couldn’t help but noticing the sadness in her boss’s face. But then he looked up and tried to give her a formal face.

“Here. Take one showing that I was looking at the camera.”

“Okay,” said Hillary, and she obliged him. Jo came over from the living room and got a huge kick out of seeing Coulson hold the baby. Hillary went back to the kitchen and helped  
start setting the table. 

Susan came back from the bathroom and took the baby back. Jon and Mike came back from finishing their preparations for the egg hunt and said hello to Coulson. 

Hillary was putting the jello salad on the table when Coulson walked up behind her. And somehow he’d gotten hold of the baby again.

“Hillary, I understand you’re in the middle of making dinner,” he said, “but have you had the chance to hold your nephew yet?”

“Oh, no, I haven’t. I was thinking I’d do it after dinner.”

“Well, why not do it now?” Coulson handed her the baby. He fussed a little. 

Hillary half-cooed, half laughed “Oh, boss, why do you have to be so nice?”

“I’m not being nice, I’m just -- here, take a picture.” He gestured to Hillary’s mom and sister-in-law, who were standing behind him with their phones at the ready. Hillary gave her mother a cheesy grin and then turned her gaze down to the baby. 

“Yes, hello there,” she said to Joseph David. “Hi. I’m your aunt Hillary. I won’t get to see you much while you’re little, but it’s nice to meet you.”

Hillary handed over the baby to his mother. 

“Okay, I think we can set him down now,” said Susan.

The Tanner family took their places for Easter Dinner. Trey sat at the head of the table with Jo on one side and Hillary on the other. Next to Hillary was Susan, who kept the baby on the floor behind her in the carseat. Then there was Oliver, Linsey, and Mike. Grandma Agnes sat at the far end of the table. Next to Grandma was Marie, and between them sat Tayson on his high chair. Between Marie and Jon sat Maddie, and between Jon and Jo was Coulson. 

Jon got to say grace, and Trey commenced the meal with taking a few slices of the ham. Jo took it next and passed to Coulson.

“We are honored to have you here today, Coulson,” said Trey.

“Please, call me Phil,” said Coulson as he took the tray of ham.

“Well, that’s not what Hillary calls you,” said Trey. 

“Well, good for her,” said Coulson, looking across the table at Hillary. “I guess there’s still some hope for this world, if people know not to call me by my first name while at work.”

“Well, can I call you Phil on special occasions?” said Hillary.

“Maybe if I’m dying,” said Coulson. “Or if I’m falling to my death.”

“That sounds more like an emergency than a special occasion,” said Hillary.

“Hillary, that will do,” Grandma Agnes spoke up. “You do not need to refer to your boss by his first name, or his last, either. You are so casual about it. I believe ‘sir’ is the proper address.”

“As long as it’s not ‘Son of Coul’,” said Coulson. No one else at the table understood, but Hillary nearly choked on her potatoes.

“Would you like some potatoes, Grandma?” Marie asked her.

“Thank you, dear. But, Mr. Coulson, I am very pleased with your company. You are an improvement over that disgusting young vagabond who was here for Thanksgiving.” 

Coulson munched his food casually while he looked at Agnes. “Thankfully my son had the good sense to remove him for this occasion. And he had a disgusting nickname, too, that I am glad I do not remember. Such a grating on the ears -- “

“Grandma,” Hillary spoke up, “I’m sure if you don’t have anything nice to say about Bucky, then Coulson doesn’t need to hear it.”

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.’ That’s what Thumper says,” said Oliver.

Everyone except Grandma Agnes laughed quietly at this.

“So when did you have the baby again, Susan?” asked Coulson.

“Last week, on Tuesday,” said Susan. “We--”

“Susan,” Agnes spoke up.

“Yes, Grandma?”

“I am sure you would do well not to speak of childbirth at the table, and in the present company.” Grandma looked at her sternly.

“I wasn’t going to. So anyway, we brought the baby home on Thursday.” 

Coulson asked both Mike and Jon about their careers, and the children were eager to tell him about their school and church activities. That led to Jo asking Marie and Susan about their children’s schooling, and then everyone at the table between the ages of twenty and sixty compared their school experiences. By the time the conversation had reached that point, the tray of ham was mostly empty, the jello salad dish was bare, and the deviled eggs had all been consumed. But the family sat around and talked, and Hillary watched her boss just listening to them in contentment. Then Coulson remembered that Hillary had gone on a date the previous night, and of course everyone wanted to hear about that, so Hillary gave them a rough summary and said she and Mark had had fun. 

Finally, Trey got up and took his and Jo’s plates to the sink.

“Is it time for the Easter Egg hunt?” asked Oliver as the adults started collecting the dishes.

“Yes, just as soon as we’re all cleaned up here,” said Mike. “The Easter Bunny will come.”

“The Easter Bunny already came to my house,” said Maddie to Coulson. “He brought me my new dress.” She showed it off for him, a pretty yellow dress with puffed sleeves and a taffeta skirt.

“Wow, that’s a great dress,” said Coulson.

Mike leaned over and whispered something to Coulson. Coulson nodded and took his plate to the sink.

“Okay, kids,” said Mike. “You wait in the living room with Uncle Jon now. Me and Coulson are going to go help the Easter Bunny.”

Jon shepherded the three older children and Tyson into the living room.

“Is it time for the Easter Egg hunt now?” Linsey asked.

“Daddy just said to wait,” Oliver told her. Oliver went to the piano and started playing his practice pieces. Jo led Grandma Agnes over to the armchair. 

“Dear, please stop that infernal racket,” Agnes said to Oliver.

“Ollie, could you play more quietly please?” asked Susan.

“Yes, Mom.”

Oliver played the piano while Linsey and Maddie played with Maddie’s dolls on the living room floor. Hillary pulled the blinds over the screen door after Coulson and Mike had stepped into the backyard. She then went back to the kitchen to bag the leftover ham and potatoes--there weren’t many leftovers otherwise.

After about five minutes, Mike slid open the screen door and pulled away the blinds. “Okay, kids. Grab your baskets. It’s time to go!”

Jo and Marie had four Easter baskets set out for the children on the kitchen counter. Marie handed three of them to Oliver, Linsey, and Maddie, who took off for the backyard as  
soon as they were in hand. The last one she gave to her toddler son, Tayson, and she led him after his cousins and sister. 

Hillary followed them outside. The brightly colored plastic eggs had been laid about the backyard in plain sight, though there were one or two that Oliver found in hard-to-reach places.

She stood next to Coulson, who was watching the scene from the porch with contentment.

“Is this fun or what?” she said to him. 

“This is amazing,” said Coulson. “I...I didn’t even take the day off, last year. That was right after S.H.I.E.L.D. fell.”

Hillary continued watching her nieces and nephews. Marie had to lead Tayson slowly around the backyard, directing him away from objects that looked like eggs but weren’t, and shooing the other children away from the eggs lying unobstructed on the grass so Tayson could pick up a few of his own. Finally all of the eggs were collected, and the four  
youngsters and Marie returned to the house. 

Hillary and Coulson were about to enter the screen door when Coulson said, “Oh, is that your cat?”

Hillary saw Mudder stalking along the side of the house.

“What, did I not mention that I had a cat?”

“Well, you didn’t mention -- “

“Then maybe there’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

Mudder jumped through the screen door ahead of them. Coulson shut it behind them.

“I think the kitty wants his Easter dinner,” Hillary announced.

Mudder sat on the kitchen floor next to Jo, who was washing the dishes. He meowed loudly.

“Well, I’m sorry, cat, but we didn’t save you anything. Dear?”

“I’ll get it,” said Trey, coming over from the living room. He led Mudder into the living room and got a can of gourmet cat food for the cat. “Here you go, Happy Easter.”

Hillary and Coulson, meanwhile, returned to the living room. Mike was on the couch holding the baby. Susan was at the piano, playing Easter and spring songs for the children. Maddie took the fuzzy yellow scrunchies out of her curly pigtails and started singing “Give Said the Little Stream.” Coulson sat down on the couch next to Hillary and listened to the performance. 

Tayson walked up to where his uncle Mike was sitting on the couch with his baby cousin.

“Yeah, that’s a baby,” said Jon, who was watching with his camera phone out and taking a video.

“This is a baby,” said Mike.

“Do you see the baby, Tayson?” asked Marie.

“Beh-beh,” said Tayson. “Beh-beh.”

“Can you say ‘baby’?” said Marie.

“Would you like to hold the baby?” asked Mike. Tayson started climbing up on the couch. Mike grabbed the back of his shirt with one hand. “There you go, buddy. Now sit up here next to me. Hold still and I’ll give you the baby.” Mike carefully handed his newborn son to his nephew. The baby was placed beside the toddler, since Tayson was not much bigger than the baby, and Tayson hugged the baby around the side.

“Aww,” said the boy’s parents and adult relatives. 

Tayson didn’t stay on the couch much longer than that, and went back to playing with the plastic eggshells with Oliver and Linsey.

“I wanna hold the baby!” said Maddie.

“Come up here,” said Mike, indicating the spot on the couch that her brother had vacated. Maddie walked across the living room floor and bounced confidently onto the couch,  
her yellow dress flouncing. Coulson watched her grin as she got to cuddle with her baby cousin, and Hillary took a few pictures. 

“Do you have a family, Phil?” Trey asked.

“I’m afraid I don’t,” said Coulson sadly. “I had a girlfriend--three years ago, I last saw her. S.H.I.E.L.D....well, we were forcibly separated.”

“Gosh, has it already been three years since New York?” said Hillary.

“Three years ago next month, yeah. Time flies.”

Jon had a realization. “Oh, you mean when the Avengers--”

“Yeah, that time,” said Hillary. “I thought the world had already changed enough when that happened. But as it turns out, the world just keeps changing.” She looked at Coulson and said, “You know, that was when I heard about S.H.I.E.L.D., when New York happened.”

“Oh really?” Coulson asked. “Is that why you joined?”

“Well, no,” said Hillary. “I joined because I heard that this secret organization was looking for people with backgrounds in criminal justice. Fresh out of ASU, thought I’d give it a  
shot. And it turns out I qualified.”

“Well, happy three years in S.H.I.E.L.D.,” said Coulson.

“It’ll be three years in October,” said Hillary. “So not quite yet. More like two and a half.”

Not long after that conversation, Mike and Susan announced that it was time for their family to go. Hillary gave hugs and kisses to Oliver and Linsey, and she got to hold the baby again for a minute.

“I promise I’ll be back again before he’s too much bigger,” said Hillary.

Mike and Susan’s family left. Grandma Agnes told Jon right afterward that she wanted to be taken home, and Jon and Marie decided they would leave as well. They said their goodbyes to Hillary and were gone.

“Want any more help with the dishes, Mom?” Hillary called to the kitchen.

“I think I’m all right,” said Jo. “Why don’t you and Coulson help Dad take down the table?”

“You don’t have to,” said Trey.

“Oh, no, it’s fine,” said Coulson, following Hillary off the couch. He helped Trey dismantle the extra leaves from the table.

“You know, it’s normally Bucky who helps with this,” Trey said to Coulson while they worked.

Hillary smirked at her dad. She hadn’t exactly discussed whether or not it was safe to discuss Bucky with her boss around.

“Well, good for him,” said Coulson. “So he came back after he ran off? Is that what I heard?”

“Yes,” Trey nodded. “He’s with my brother Kenny’s family today. He was a little reluctant to see you.”

“That’s understandable,” said Coulson. Coulson asked for details about Bucky’s stay with their family. Trey filled him in gladly. Coulson listened attentively and nodded, and he commented once, “Yes, that’s what Captain Rogers told me you said.” 

“How is the Captain?” asked Trey.

“He’s all right,” said Coulson. “I mean, understandably, he’s disappointed with what happened. But he’s planning on finishing his work with the Avengers. They should be finished here in the next few weeks.”

Trey nodded.

“I don’t think he or the others were planning on taking the day off for Easter,” said Coulson soberly. “But I’ll have you know that for every holiday dinner he’s been to before now in the last year--Christmas and Thanksgiving specifically--he’s always made sure to set out an extra place. On a sideboard, on the kitchen counter, a TV tray, wherever there’s room. He’s always had one ready. Just in case.”

Trey nodded. “You can tell him we’ve kept Bucky’s plate full for him.”

“I know,” Coulson nodded. “But I’m amazed he hasn’t given up on finding him yet. Especially since Bucky...well, they’re not exactly on the same page.”

“Well, he needs to be,” said Hillary. “Even if he doesn’t want Steve to be in his life, he should just let him know. He owes Steve that much, if you ask me.”

“Yes, I agree,” said Trey. “But I think that’s up to Bucky, ultimately.” 

Coulson nodded solemnly.

Mudder came into the kitchen and then went to the living room, sitting himself on the couch. Coulson returned to the living room, giving a sigh.

Hillary watched him sit down. What he had mentioned about Steve waiting for Bucky had really pricked her conscience. And her comment afterward hadn’t helped like she was hoping it to.

“Meow,” said Mudder, looking up at Coulson.

“Mrow,” Coulson replied. “Here kitty. Are you a nice kitty?” He started to scratch Mudder behind the ears. Mudder purred so loudly that Hillary could hear him across the room.

“Good kitty,” said Coulson. He piled Mudder onto his lap and Mudder didn’t object. “I suppose I’ll have to wipe the cat hair off after I’m finished, but I don’t get to handle live animals that much. Just one of the things I call the ‘not-perks’ of S.H.I.E.L.D..” 

Hillary smirked. “Well, I’ll have you know that after he met Bucky, Mudder tried to rip his face off. Mudder warmed up to you really fast, though.”

“Okay. And does Mudder still not get along with Bucky?”

“Oh no. He’s got that cat around his little finger. If he saw you right now, he’s probably be jealous. He gets very jealous.” 

Coulson laughed. He spent several minutes stroking the cat. Jo and Trey, both finished with cleaning up the dishes, sat down in the living room with Hillary and chatted with Coulson. Coulson finally left about seven. 

“I’ll call you when I’m finished up here,” said Coulson.

“And that’ll be when?”

“Tomorrow. Probably. I’ll text you. Just be ready to leave.”

When Coulson left, Hillary took his place on the armchair. She hadn’t been able to get Coulson’s comment about Steve from earlier on her mind. 

Every holiday dinner he’s been to before now in the last year he’s always made sure to set out an extra place. 

She couldn’t keep doing this to Steve. She just couldn’t. 

Mudder came over to her and jumped onto the arm of the armchair. She stroked his back halfheartedly. He sniffed her fingertips and then went away.

She lingered on the couch, playing with her smartphone. She got a text from Coulson saying they wouldn’t be leaving until Tuesday. 

About half an hour after Coulson had left, the kitchen door opened. Her parents greeted Bucky warmly and asked him about how Easter dinner had gone with Kenny’s family. 

“Where’s Hillary?” he asked. He walked into the living room and saw Hillary slumped on the armchair. “Hey there, what’s happening?” 

He looked down at her cheerfully, but then his face fell. 

“Hillary, I know that look. You’re mad at me again, aren’t you? What did I do now?”

Hillary sat up and looked at him. “More like what you didn’t do,” said Hillary. She had debating sharing Coulson’s statement with him. But she decided that would only make  
things worse. She looked away from him, leaning on the back of the chair.

“Hey, look on the bright side,” said Bucky. He put his metal hand on her shoulder--he’d already taken the glove off. “At least I’ll be gone in a few weeks. And you won’t have to feel bad about me anymore.”

Hillary said nothing.

“I’m just trying to help here.”

He walked away. 

 

It well may be  
That we will never meet again  
In this lifetime.  
So, let me say before we part:  
So much of me  
Is made of what I learned from you.  
You'll be with me  
Like a handprint on my heart.

 

He did come back to the living room, eventually, to hang out with Hillary and talk. He wasn’t amused that they had said anything about him to Coulson, but he laughed it off. 

Hillary had the day off from work the next day. In the morning Bucky went outside for a few hours to work on the car for her brother. When he came in during the afternoon, they hung out in the living room. 

“What’s the matter?” Hillary asked when she noticed he looked a little worried.

“It’s Grace,” said Bucky. “I mean, did I ever have a girlfriend, in my past life?”

“Not that I’ve heard Steve mention it,” said Hillary. 

“Well, it’s just, ever since leaving Hydra, I’ve never been in a relationship before.”

“But you and Grace spent time together before, didn’t you?”

“Yes. But...it’s gonna be different, if she wants to be with me again. What am I supposed to do? I mean, what do people do, when they’re in romantic relationships?”

“Stuff,” said Hillary. “Go on nice dates every so often. Go to the movies. Make dinner. Hang out all the time. Be cute and romantic. That’s what I’ve seen people do. Just experience life together.”

“But...where do I even start?” 

He wasn’t exactly pleading, but he gave her a shrugging half-smile and raised his eyebrow. Hillary thought he looked adorable. 

Jo was watching them from the kitchen, and she laughed quietly.

“Well, just talk to her!” said Hillary. “That’s half the fun of being with someone, is you enjoy talking with them.”

“But what do you talk about?”

“Stuff that makes you happy.”

“Like what?”

“Happy talkin’, talkin’, happy talk,” she sang, dancing a little on her way to the piano. 

“Why don’t you answer my question?” asked Bucky.

“Talk about things you like to dooooo,” Hillary continued.

“What do you mean by that?”

She started to play the notes as she sang, and Jo sang along.

“You’ve got to have a dream,  
If you don’t have a dream,  
How you gonna have a dream come true?”

“What is that even from?” asked Bucky.

“South Pacific. It’s a Broadway musical about you and Steve’s contemporaries in the south seas. I played Bloody Mary when my high school did it.”

“I get it,” said Bucky. He walked over to the piano and leaned over as she played. Then he laughed at her as she sang and made weird faces at him. Then she slowed down for the last verse:

Talk about the boy saying to the girl: "Golly, baby, I'm a lucky cuss!"  
Talk about the girl saying to the boy: "You an' me is lucky to be us!"

Bucky’s eyes widened as he took the hint. Then he sat down on the piano bench as Hillary played and sang the final chorus. Bucky stuck his hands onto the keyboard and started to play with her. For someone hearing the song the first time he did well improvising with her.

When they finished, Hillary laughed and leaned onto his shoulder.

“Hey, no touching,” he said, shoving her aside playfully. She gave him an elbow back in the ribs.

Bucky headed back outside to work on the car again. He was whistling “Happy Talk.” 

“Wow, when did you learn to whistle?”

“Just now.” 

He kept whistling on the way out the door.

Hillary got onto the computer to do some work for S.H.I.E.L.D.. Then after she was finished, she went outside to the carport in front of the garage. She couldn’t really see Bucky, but she heard the sounds of his tinkering under the car. 

“Bucky?” she said.

“Hello,” he called back to her.

“How’s it going?” 

“Oh, it’s going pretty good,” he answered.

“So do you like fixing cars?”

He slid out from underneath the car. “Do I need to like whatever it is I do?” He looked up at her. She bent down to stare straight at his face.

“Well, most people do,” said Hillary. “I mean, if you like something, then that’s what you can do with your life. I mean, the concept’s probably foreign to you.”

“True that.”

“But I like helping people, so that’s why I’m a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent.”

“Right, cuz S.H.I.E.L.D. helps people?”

Hillary snorted. “I see what you’re getting at. Well, most of the time, we’re helping people.”

Hillary leaned back against the dumpster. Bucky climbed up, wiping his hands on a towel he had tucked into his pocket.

“But how about you?”

“Well,” said Bucky, cleaning some grease off a wrench with the same towel, “It’s something to do. I mean, your dad showed me how to do it, when he needed me to help out. And he said maybe I could make a career out of it. I dunno...it would be nice, I guess, in a different world. To be a certified auto mechanic and get paid to do things. But compared with what I used to do for a living--breaking things and killing people--heck yeah. It’s nicer.” He bent down as if to climb back onto the skateboard and return under the car.

“Bucky, can I ask you something?”

He looked at her.

“Can I tell Steve about you? I mean, you’re making progress, and it’s wonderful. And I know--”

“Steve would like to hear about it, yeah, but it’s none of his business,” said Bucky. “Besides, he’s out with the Avengers. I thought he was too busy to be worried about me.”

“Well, Coulson says he’s almost done taking care of Hydra. He’ll be done in a few weeks to a month.”

“Really? Well, good for him.” Bucky sighed. Then he stood up. “Hillary, I know you don’t want to hear this, but why don’t you stop worrying about Steve? I don’t remember...at least, not a lot...I don’t remember really being friends with him. Who I was before, and who he was...but none of that matters now, okay? I’m trying to get my life back together. And it’s hard enough without other people trying to tell me who to be. Your dad said that two weeks ago--I need to decide for myself. Sometimes I wish I did know who I was, I really do.” 

She was looking down at her feet with her arms folded. He gently touched his metal fingers to her chin--they were less greasy than his right hand--and he lifted her eyes to his.

“But Hillary, for right now, I am your friend. I know that much. Right here, right now--this is where I’d rather be. You know that.” He put his hand down and tried to give her a reassuring smile.

“For right now, yes,” said Hillary. “But are we still gonna be friends, Bucky? After you leave.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to come back here. Out there--there’s a lot more for me to worry about. And I don’t know if I want to lead Hydra back here after me.”

“Don’t talk like that, Bucky, everything’s going to be fine.”

“It’s not,” said Bucky. “Hydra can’t be stopped. Even if Steve Rogers thinks it can. Believe me, I helped make it that way.”

He stepped back towards the car.

“But what about Christmas?” said Hillary. “The promise you made?”

“Well, we’ll see where I’m at when next Christmas comes around,” said Bucky. “But I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep it.”

“For me, Bucky. Will you do it for me?”

He looked at her for a moment. Then he said, “I’ll think about it.”

He sat down on the skateboard again and prepared to slide under the car.

“I’m sorry if I bothered you.”

“No, it’s okay,” said Bucky.

She went back into the house.

That night she and Bucky were up late playing piano duets. And she got a text from Coulson saying they were going to Singapore the next day. 

It was Bucky who took Hillary to the airport, wearing an oversized black hoodie, a ball cap, and a glove on his left hand. Coulson was nowhere in sight when he parked at the curb.  
They hugged each other quickly in the car and she got out as he popped the trunk. She waved goodbye but wasn’t sure if he’d seen it in the rearview mirror.

But he was smiling.

 

And now whatever way our stories end  
I know you have rewritten mine  
By being my friend.

 

Not much of note happened during the week in Singapore. The following Wednesday, Coulson, Mitch, and Hillary flew to Madison, Wisconsin. It was springtime there, thankfully, but still chilly compared to Arizona. 

It was while Hillary was in Madison that one night she got a text message from her mother. There was a video in the text.

Bucky wanted to share this with you.

Hillary played the video.

“Hi, Hillary, this is Bucky,” he said, addressing her mother’s phone for the recording. He was seated at the piano bench. “So I’ve been playing the piano a lot in my spare time. Your mother says I’m quite good but I still think I sound terrible--but you can be the judge of that. Anyways, your nieces and nephews were over here earlier today, and they watched this old movie called ‘The Wizard of Oz.’ Apparently it came out in the late nineteen-thirties before all this crap happened in my life. I don’t remember it from before, but there’s this song that Dorothy sings called ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow,’ and I just felt kind of familiar. In a good way. So I’ve been playing it all afternoon. Your mom says you’d like to hear it. Anyway, here it goes.”

He turned around and began playing ‘Over the Rainbow.’ He played it slowly with an improvised arrangement. 

Hillary watched with her hand over her mouth. Three years ago before the battle in New York, Nick Fury had made a “Wizard of Oz” reference that only Steve, out of all the Avengers, had gotten. And now Bucky was remembering it. 

When the video had finished, she had to watch it again. 

She was happy for Bucky, but she felt really sad at the same time. Maybe it was something to do with the song. 

After Madison, Coulson and his two assistants went to New York City for two days. Hillary had hoped they might meet with the Avengers while there (as had Mitch, for different reasons), but unfortunately they were out of town at the time, somewhere in Southeast Asia. Coulson wasn’t even sure where they were at.

On Sunday night, two weeks after Easter, they flew out to Eastern Europe. They arrived in Ljubljana, Slovenia around dawn on Monday. They then took a train to a city on the eastern side of the country where they had agreed to meet with Sandro.

Instead, they got a call from one of their undercover operatives there asking to meet in a back alley behind a back street. Dressed in their best grungy casual attire--Hillary thought maybe they were trying too hard to blend in--they went out to meet Oliver Weitz, a man from the CIA who was assigned to help out S.H.I.E.L.D. in certain cases.

“So what’s happening?” Coulson asked when they had gathered behind the dumpster.

“Sandro hasn’t called us back,” said Weitz, a slightly overweight man who wore an ugly beanie. 

“Well, of course he hasn’t,” said Coulson. “I mean, he’s undercover right now, and so are you.”

“But he said he’d be two weeks,” Weitz said. “It’s been longer than that already. And he hasn’t even tried to contact us from the field to give us an update or to say he needs more time.”

Coulson grunted in discouragement. “He’s probably having a lot more difficulty than he anticipated.”

“What are the chances he’s been captured by the Sokovian government or Hydra?” asked Mitch.

“I don’t want to think about that.”

“Well, let’s give him a couple of more days,” said Hillary.

Coulson asked Weitz about how his work was going in Slovenia. They then left, and Coulson took Mitch and Hillary to lunch at a third-rate cafe. Hillary was in charge of ordering, but she had to ask an English-speaking waitress for help since she wasn’t as fluent in Slovenian as she was in Croatian. 

Coulson and his team waited around in eastern Slovenia for two days. Every time Coulson’s phone went off, Hillary hoped that it was Weitz saying he’d found Sandro or that it was Sandro himself. But it never was. Coulson sent Hillary on her own to find out what was going on with Hydra and other criminal organizations in the area. And they returned to the States, hoping that at any moment Sandro would call them back to say he was alive and well and had information on what was happening in Sokovia. Hillary flew straight home from Washington, D.C. and arrived on Thursday night. 

 

Like a ship blown from it's mooring  
By a wind off the sea.  
Like a seed dropped by a skybird  
In a distant wood.  
Who can say if I've been changed for the better  
But because I knew you...

Because I knew you...

I have been changed for good.

 

The backboard rattled as the basketball hit it and fell through the hoop. He looked up and down the street and at the neighbor’s house, but the crickets continued to chirp in the background and everything else was otherwise undisturbed. 

He bounced the ball idly before shooting again. The basketball was old and the rough covering chafed his good hand. But as long as the neighbors weren’t out, he didn’t need to have a glove on and he could play with his bad one. He fired and the basketball hit the rim and spun around once or twice before going through the net.

Well, shooting hoops certainly beats shooting people, he thought to himself. Trey had brought him out here earlier when some of the men in the neighborhood had been playing basketball. Bucky had watched at first, then Trey let him play one-on-one. Trey had beaten him, but he said Bucky was tough competition. 

He’d been going at it for half an hour or so and he made the shot more often than not. I’d like to see the old man try to play against me now, he thought, smirking. Now that I’m warmed up...well, maybe that was too aggressive a suggestion. He was perfectly happy just shooting by himself. He’d rather not have to play against anyone that he would have easily beaten. 

The ball hit the pavement of the neighbor’s driveway loudly and he didn’t hear the footsteps behind him.

“I believe I can fly,” Hillary sang. “I believe I can touch the sky.” From the singsongy tone she was joking around. Bucky missed his next shot, but when he turned around to look at her he caught the ball on a bounce. “Think about it every night and day, spread my wings and fly away.”

“What’s that from?”

“Space Jam. Only the greatest movie of the nineties. What’s happening, Bucky?”

“Not much,” he said with a sigh, throwing the basketball again. The ball hit the backboard at a strange angle and went sailing over the hoop without ever going in. “Just shooting hoops.”

“Since when was this a thing for you?”

“Since after dinner.”

“Does Dad know you’re here?”

“Yes. The neighbors said I could stay here as long as I wanted. If I didn’t break anything.” He threw the ball and it sailed through the next. “So far, so good.” 

“You’re not bad,” said Hillary.

“When did you get back?” he asked, not looking at her as he dribbled.

“About five minutes ago. Mom picked me up from the airport.”

He missed the next basket.

“Aw dang,” said Hillary.

Bucky sniffed. 

“Am I ruining your concentration?”

“Are you?”

“Not deliberately.”

He threw the ball and it hit the backboard and fell into the hoop. On the next shot, the ball landed on the far edge of the rim and dangled precariously before falling inward.

“How was Eastern Europe?”

“It was okay,” said Hillary. 

He gave her a look.

“Well...one of the people we were hoping to meet with didn’t show. You ever been to Sokovia?”

He retrieved the ball as it fell out of the hoop. “If I have, either I don’t remember or I don’t want to remember.”

“Well, I’ve heard it’s a rough place.”

“Is that where your person got stuck?”

“I guess so. I’m hoping we’ll hear from him.”

“Will they call you in if he calls back?”

“I don’t think so. Coulson’s a bit upset about it. Come on, let’s get you inside.” 

He tucked Trey’s basketball under his arm and walked beside her down the street.

“So how’s the car coming along?”

“Cody’s car? It’s finished. Your dad and I finished it yesterday. I did most of it by myself, but your dad ended up telling me to go back and re-do a bunch of stuff. But not a big deal. It’s all a learning experience, I suppose.” He sighed. “I’m afraid by the time I ever get around to having a real mechanic job I won’t even remember half this stuff.”

“It’s okay. It’ll come back to you quickly. You’re a smart guy.”

“How do you know?”

“Well…” Hillary paused. Then she said, “Steve does say you were one of the brightest people he knew in school growing up.”

“He doesn’t even go here!” 

Hillary snorted. “Well, that was the Bucky that Steve knew. The Bucky I know might be a little too smart for his own good.”

Bucky laughed and elbowed her in the ribs. They shoved at each other for a minute.

“I am gonna miss you,” said Hillary, putting an arm around his shoulder.

“Well, you’re getting your brother back.”

“I know. But it won’t be the same. Returning missionaries...they go through this awkward phase where it’s hard to talk to them. Trust me, I’ve been there before.”

“Well, hey, when I first came here I didn’t like talking to anyone. But you got me to warm up to you. It’ll be the same thing. You’ve had good practice.”

“Thanks.”

In the house, they both stayed in the living room for a minute, talking to Hillary’s parents. At one point, Hillary was looking at him from across the room while he talked to her  
mother. Bucky had come a long way, since he had moved in with them. And she was so proud of him. She had thought maybe that getting him back together with Steve would be a huge accomplishment. She hadn’t gotten remotely close to doing that. Instead, she’d seen a different change in him. Something she hadn’t even looked for. He was still shy and brooding, but he displayed a confidence and a composure, a new sense of purpose in himself. She was a little amazed with herself, even, that she had learned to accept him. After all of the difficulty she had gone through to let him stay with her family, things had worked out. Even though sending him back on his own to Denver wasn’t ideal, it was for the best. He could lead his own life now, and go back to Steve on his own terms if he wanted. That was the right thing, wasn’t it?

 

The next day, the Tanner family devoted themselves to preparing the house for both Bucky’s departure and Cody’s arrival. Hillary did text Mark, but he said he would be busy that day, so he would come on Saturday night to the family party for Cody.

Bucky was only planning on taking one bag with him. He was going to leave his tracfone with the Tanners but take his wallet with the false IDs--Hillary had checked the S.H.I.E.L.D. database and they were still valid. She guessed Coulson had done her a favor and not deleted them. And there would be no need, he explained, for extra clothes or hygiene products out on the streets.

“And besides, I might be able to get some of that at a homeless shelter,” he explained to her that morning as she was following him around the house trying to figure out his plans.

“You are planning on going to the one where Grace works, right?” Hillary asked him.

“That’s my first stop,” said Bucky. “How far is that from the Greyhound station, do you know?”

“Let me go check.”

Hillary got onto the computer and looked. The bus station in Denver was a good ten miles away from the Arms of Mercy Community Action Center. 

“You could get a ride there,” she said when she reported back to him.

“Maybe. If I feel like it.” He sighed. “It’ll be weird, I guess, having to go back to walking and hitchhiking everywhere. And asking for favors from strangers.”

“Yeah, I know,” said Hillary. Then she saw the pile of unwanted clothes on the bed. “What, you’re not taking your ASU shirt? I thought you liked that one.”

“Yeah, but I don’t need everyone to know I’ve been living in Arizona,” said Bucky. “I don’t need to draw attention to that fact.”

“You’re being paranoid.”

“I’m being careful. A guy popped a cyanide capsule in your backyard, remember?”

“How can I forget? Well, it’s not too late, I suppose, to get you a different duffle bag, if you don’t like the Arizona Cardinals.”

“It’ll be fine,” he said.

He packed six shirts, his black long-sleeved undershirt and glove, one pair of extra pants and five pairs of socks. Jo had gotten him new tennis shoes earlier in the week so they were already broken in. Hopefully they would last until...well, they were hoping that at some time in the future he would be able to settle down, get a job, take care of himself, and live a normal life. But he warned them that he might not have as easy a time of it as other people.

“It’s not easy for anyone, son,” Trey said to him.

While Bucky was busy packing, Hillary was on the computer looking up the homeless shelter. Their website hadn’t been updated in several months. It mentioned the people who worked there full time, but their “awesome volunteers” weren’t pictured or mentioned by name. 

Hillary thought maybe about calling ahead and getting a hold of Grace somehow. But she remembered the last time someone had tried to give an advance notice of a visit....Grace wasn’t Bucky by a long shot, but she might be just as unwelcome to news of his coming. 

Hillary and Jo went out shopping during the day. They needed food for Cody’s homecoming parties on Saturday and Sunday, and they wanted to get some small hygiene products and other supplies for Bucky to take with him.

“It’s a big bag he’s got, Mom,” Hillary warned Jo, “but we really shouldn’t be giving him too much stuff. He’s trying to travel light.”

“I know,” said Jo.

They got home and started to clean the house from top to bottom. Hillary cleaned her and Cody’s bathroom. Bucky straightened up Cody’s room as much as possible and cleared the floor so he could vacuum it. While he vacuumed the entire house except for Hillary's room, she cleaned the fish tank, changing the water and scrubbing the decorations. Mudder was mesmerized by the sight of the fish sitting in plastic bags on the counter but kept his distance. Jo cleaned the kitchen. 

Trey was at work all day, but he took Bucky with him for an hour after lunch so he could say goodbye to the guys at Tanner Automotive. While he was gone, Hillary swept and mopped the kitchen and bathroom floors. She then vacuumed her room and then vacuumed under the couch cushions in the living room. When Bucky got back from the garage, he was assigned with cleaning the sliding glass doors to the backyard and dusting the living room. Hillary got to sweep the trampoline. 

For dinner that night, Jo made homemade pizza. Bucky had mentioned to her at some point during his stay with them that he liked sausage pizza, so their pizza had plenty of sausage on it. 

 

Afterward, Hillary and Bucky went outside to the trampoline, not to jump on it but to just lay down and look at the sky.

“But it’s too bad you really can’t see the stars here in Mesa,” said Hillary. “This city’s too big. There’s too much light pollution.”

“You don’t need to apologize for that,” said Bucky. “There’ll be plenty of light pollution in Denver, too. I can’t really stay in places where you can see the stars. It’s a luxury, I guess.”

“Yeah. You know what, I’d really like to take some time this summer and just go some place out in the country. Maybe I can do that sometime when I’m home, just go out for a drive someplace, head up to the mountains with my folks or even with Mark. That would be nice, going stargazing with Mark. I’ve heard it’s a really romantic date, stargazing. Just if you’re in the market for date ideas.”

“I’ll think about it,” said Bucky. “So, what are your goals, for your life? In general. I mean...I’m probably never going to see you again.”

“I’m trying not to think about that,” said Hillary. She was quiet for a moment. When Bucky didn’t respond to her comment, she said, “I’m thinking someday, when I’ve found the right person, I’d like to get married and start a family of my own. Hopefully that might be soon.”

“Do you think Mark is the right person?”

“I don’t know. It’s too early to tell. But he’s a great guy. I think he’d be okay.”

“Just okay?”

“Well...maybe if I really fall in love with him, after a while, you can ask me again and I’d give a more enthusiastic response. But yeah. It’s just up in the air right now, where our relationship goes. We’ll have to wait and see. I don’t know how I’m going to fit in having a relationship with him or anyone else while I’m working for S.H.I.E.L.D.. Coulson’s nearly dragged me around the world twice in the last few months. I might tell him one of these days that we’d better just go all the way around to say we’ve done it. So yeah. I might take a while, with Mark, if he’s the one, getting to know him better, and when the time is right, if things work out...yeah.”

“Do you think you’d like to keep working for S.H.I.E.L.D.?”

“I think so,” said Hillary. “They’ve treated me pretty well. And they’ve been super flexible with what I’ve wanted in the past. After the whole thing with Hydra came out I told them I’d like something less stressful and they sent me to the office in Tempe. If I want to settle down and still keep working for S.H.I.E.L.D., if Mark was still living here then it would be perfect to do that arrangement again. I can’t see myself being Coulson’s right-hand person forever. Maybe not for more than a year or two from now. And by then, you know, it’ll be time for me to start having babies and leading a quieter life.”

“So have babies and work for S.H.I.E.L.D., is that all?”

“Yeah. Well, S.H.I.E.L.D. pretty much takes care of all my cravings for anything else I could possibly want. Travel, adventure, interacting with celebrities and superheroes on a daily  
basis...yeah, I’m good. And you know, sooner or later, I think I’ll have had my fill of it.”

“Well that’s good,” said Bucky quietly. “It must be nice to be able to say when you’ve had your fill of adventures and to step back.” 

“Yeah. And I want to stay close to my family. I really do.”

“You do that. They’re good people.”

“So how about you?” asked Hillary. “If...being a superhuman with a metal arm wasn’t in the way, what would you do?”

Bucky shrugged. “I guess...the same things. I don’t know. I don’t really know what I can have, under my circumstances. But I’d like to try. See how far I can get.”

“Well, you’ve got a lot going for you,” said Hillary. “You’ll go places.” 

Her hand reached for his and they squeezed.

 

And just to clear the air  
I ask forgiveness  
For the things I've done,  
You blame me for.

But then I guess,  
We know there's blame to share.  
And none of it seems to matter anymore.

 

After a while they went back into the house. 

“So what do you want to do?” she asked him when they were in the living room. “Do you want to watch a movie or play some games or what?”

“Eh, I don’t want to watch a movie. Kind of not the best way to spend time with someone, when you’re trying to enjoy your time with them. Especially if it’s the last time you’re ever going to see them.

Hillary smirked at him. “Is there really any reason I’ll never see you again?”

“I dunno,” Bucky shrugged. “I’m just saying. With Hydra chasing me, and trying to stay hidden from other parties, who knows?”

“Well, if things work out with Grace, and she doesn’t object, you’re more than welcome to bring her with you. Or you can come back and visit by yourself. I’m just saying. This doesn’t have to be goodbye.”

“Yeah, but...Hillary...I don’t know if...I can live a normal enough life to come by and visit again. I mean, I’m going to shoot for it, there’s no reason I really can’t, but...I’m not like  
you. I’m not a normal person who can just settle down and do things like other people do.” He sounded like he’d been second-guessing what he had said he hoped for himself earlier. “I’m just being realistic. You’re a busy S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and you’ve got a family that loves you back here. I’m...I’m the Winter Soldier. I’m on my own. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much it looks like I’m leading a normal life, I don’t belong in one. Odds are, after tomorrow I’m going to spend the rest of my life in hiding. That’s probably what I wanted in the first place.”

Hillary put her arms around him. “No. You’re Bucky Barnes. You have every right to as normal a life as you can get. You’ll be back.”

“Don’t kid yourself.”

“I won’t.” 

She hugged him. Then when they broke apart about a minute later, she went over to the computer. “So, music?” 

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

“I heard this song on the radio,” said Hillary as she started scrolling through iTunes, “that reminded me of you a little bit.”

“Of me? How does a song remind you of me?”

“Well...more like it describes how I’ve learned to put up with you.”

“Oh. I see how it is.” He came over to the computer. “So what’s it called.”

“It’s ‘Uncharted’ by Sara Bareilles. She’s the artist that did ‘King of Anything’ and ‘Brave.’”

“I get it.”

She hit play. They listened for a moment and enjoyed the beat, and then when the chorus came on they started dancing in the living room. He liked to dip her onto his knee, and with her hair undone it touched the floor when she leaned back. 

“That was fun,” he said when it was over. His shirt had rolled itself up when he danced and he pulled it back down.

Hillary laughed. “Got any requests?”

“Well, let me see here,” said Bucky, turning to the computer, “I don’t think I know of any songs that reminded me of you. Hm, who’s this Michael Buble guy?”

Hillary laughed. “Michael Buble? He’s overrated. But if you want a good one by him, try ‘Save the Last Dance For Me.’”

“‘Save the Last Dance,’ found it,” said Bucky. 

They swing danced across the living room.

“Yep, this song reminds me of you all right,” he said when he dipped her.

“You’re a great dancer, Bucky,” said Hillary. “You should take me out sometime.”

“I did,” said Bucky. “That was the New Year’s Dance, remember?”

“Oh, right.” 

He pulled her back up. “Do you know what kind of a dancer Mark is?” he asked.

“I’ve danced with him before, but it’s been a while,” said Hillary.

“Like how long?”

“Two years, almost. Give or take.”

Bucky spun her outward. “Well, you should go out dancing with him again.” 

“Yeah, I really should.”

The song finally ended. 

“Whoo, my heart rate’s up,” she said. “Do you wanna take a break?”

“How about a slow song?”

“Okay.”

“What’s a good one?” he went over to the computer again.

“There’s ‘Home’ by the same artist, if you look it should be in about the same spot. I clicked on sorting the song by artist.”

“‘Home,’ got it.”

They slow-danced in the middle of the floor. 

“Are you trying to make me homesick when I haven’t even left yet?”

“No.”

“Don’t deny it.”

Hillary smiled and shrugged. He spun her outward.

“I really like it when guys spin me when we’re slow-dancing.”

“Really? Well, you should tell Mark to do that when he takes you.”

“I will. You won’t be here to give him dating advice, will you?”

“No.”

“You won’t be here to crash our dates anymore,” Hillary laughed.

“Oh, stop it.”

Hillary drooped her head on Bucky’s shoulder.

“Are you getting sleepy?” he asked her when the song ended.

“No. I’m just going to miss you.”

“That’s the third time you’ve said that today. No, or is it the fourth?”

“I’ve been saying that a lot.”

“Well, you can keep saying it,” he said, patting her head. “It’s nice to know I’m going to be missed.” They stood there quietly for a minute. “What’s a...happier slow song?” he asked her.

“Here,” she said, going over to the computer, “try ‘Crazier’ by Taylor Swift.”

“Taylor Swift? Isn’t she the one who does all the annoying pop songs these days?”

“Not all of them--but this is one of her good songs, in my opinion.”

Jo had gone out, but came back just as ‘Crazier’ was ending. They decided to do a fast song next.

“Can I take pictures and send them to you?” asked Jo.

“No,” said Bucky.

“Yes,” said Hillary.

“Okay, if you want it,” said Bucky. “I don’t really like a lot of this modern pop music,” he commented as Hillary was changing. “It’s not really stuff you can actually dance to. You just stand around and bounce like an idiot for three minutes.”

“Well, that just proves you’re from the nineteen forties, if nothing else,” said Hillary. She turned on “Hey Soul Sister” by Train. 

“This is a fun song,” said Bucky. “I’ve heard it on the radio before.”

“Yeah,” said Hillary. “I guess it’s sort of about you and me.”

“Or it could be about Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia...I’m just saying.”

“Stop it!” said Hillary, trying hard not to laugh.

Jo sat on the couch and snapped photos of her daughter and their friend dancing and laughing together. He knew Jo was watching and sometimes he would pick up Hillary and they would do interesting poses.

Finally Jo announced she was going to bed.

“We’ll wake you up in the morning, dear,” she said to Bucky. “Hillary will take you to the bus station--is that all right, Hillary? Your Dad has to be to work, and I still have some things to get ready.”

“Sure,” Hillary said, shrugging. 

“I’ll see you both in the morning, then,” said Jo. She hugged her daughter.

“Good night, Mom.”

“Good night.”

She gave Bucky a hug too and told him goodnight. He let her hold on to him extra long. And then Jo left.

“I suppose it’s time we were quiet,” said Hillary, plopping down on the couch.

Bucky sat down next to her. “I guess it is.”

“I don’t want to go to bed,” said Hillary. “I’d stay up all night with you, if I could. But you’ve got a long day ahead.”

“And so do you,” said Bucky. “Dropping me off first thing and then picking your brother up--what time does he get in?”

“Four o’clock. We’re all going out to meet him. Mike and Susan’s family are making big Welcome Home signs, and Greg and Julia and Jon and Marie’s clan will all be there--so all of us, together for the first time in two years. That’ll be something.”

“I wish I could stay, sometimes, to meet this brother of yours,” said Bucky. “What’s he like?”

“He’s...pretty cool. He’s athletic. The most athletic person in the family. He did track and football in high school. I think before he left he was saying he’d like to go out for track in college.”

“Where does he want to go for college.”

“Well, he’ll start at MCC this summer, take a few classes, but he’d really like to go up to BYU. He wants to be a dentist, and they’ve got a good pre-dental program up there.”  
“I see,” Bucky nodded. 

“And he likes sports and video games...you’d like him.”

“I’m sure I would. I like the rest of your family well enough. Jon and Marie and Mike and Susan are all right. The grandkids are fine, considering I don’t do well with children.”

“You’ve done just fine with them.”

Bucky nodded. “For a change, yes. And Greg and Julia are fun, I guess. I got to see more of Greg than the others, since he works so close. And Julia’s closer to your age. But your parents. I don’t understand your parents. I’m a former assassin who’s got a kill record that would make an angel blush, your parents are aware of this and yet they still treat me like I haven’t done anything wrong in my life.”

“Well, the assassin bit wasn’t your fault, and I’ve made that clear to them.”

“But still.”

“But still, that’s what my family does. We treat you like family. If you’re not one of us, we’ll make you one. Our home is your home. That’s the rule for everyone.” 

They were silent for a moment. He huddled close to her, and she hugged him back. Then, quietly, she sang the “Home” reprise from Beauty and the Beast. 

“I’m sorry, I just--”

“That’s okay,” said Bucky. “It was fitting.”

“I don’t know if there’s anything else left to say.”

“Well, it’s ten thirty. You want to go to bed?”

“No, I don’t want to. But I know I have to eventually. So not yet.”

So they stayed up for another half an hour, holding each other close, talking and laughing and joking like they always had together, enjoying that last night of each other’s company.

“Bucky,” she said when she was finally ready to go to bed, “I want you to know that...Coulson is not interested in hurting you, or in letting S.H.I.E.L.D. hurt you. But we want to protect you. We won’t actively seek you out. We’ll leave you alone. But wherever you go, if we know where you are, we’ll protect you. I will personally make sure of that. Whatever is in my power to get S.H.I.E.L.D. to do for you, to hide your presence mainly from Hydra but from other interested parties, too, I will do it. I promise. That’ll be my mission.”

“Okay. I can look after myself, though.”

“It’s what you don’t know that will hurt you,” said Hillary. “That’s S.H.I.E.L.D.’s philosophy.”

“Right, right.”

“But...it’s what Coulson would want, and Steve, and my parents. And even if you’re not staying with my family anymore, it’s the least I can do for you.”

“Okay. I’ll appreciate that.” He hugged her one more time.

“Well,” she said, “I’m gonna go to bed now. You get a good night’s rest.”

“Don’t know if I can. But I’ll try it.”

“‘Do or do not. There is no try.’”

He laughed a little and smiled.

She had to resist the temptation to hug him one more time. “I’ll see you in the morning. Bright and early.”

“You too.”

She got up off the couch slowly and walked out of the living room. But at the entrance to the hallway, she turned around. He was watching her.

She smiled at him. “Bucky.”

“Yes?”

She didn’t know what to say to him. “Don’t forget who you are, okay?”

“Well, I can’t remember who I was before,” he said. “And I don’t know who I am now...but, I won’t forget you. Or your family. I can do that much.”

Hillary turned away without another word. She brushed her teeth and undid her makeup quickly. He stayed in the living room.

 

Hillary laid awake for a long time afterward, though. And when she finally did fall asleep, her alarm went off way too quickly at six thirty in the morning.

She turned it off and then paused. Then she sat up. She put on her bathrobe and went out to the kitchen. She got herself a glass of water. And then she stopped at his room on the way to the bathroom.

“Bucky, it’s time to get up.”

She saw him sitting up in bed. He didn’t look at her.

It was going to be a beautiful day, she could tell from the rosy-pink sunrise outside. And she could hear the birds singing, too. 

She got ready slowly. She dressed in her blouse and pencil skirt like she would for a normal day at work. Maybe she wanted to look nice for her brother. Maybe she wanted Cody to see her as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent when he got home. Or maybe she wanted to look nice when she said goodbye to Bucky.

She and Bucky ate their breakfast together at the kitchen counter, talking quietly. Trey emerged from his bedroom to go to work as they ate. That was when Trey said his  
goodbye to Bucky. They shook hands firmly and then hugged.

“I’m going to miss having you around,” said Trey. “You’ve been good to us. I hope…” he backed away from Bucky and looked him in the eyes. “I wish you the best.”

“Thank you,” said Bucky. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”

“Think nothing of it,” said Trey. He gave Bucky a final pat on the shoulder, and he was gone.

Bucky’s gaze lingered at the kitchen door as Trey’s truck came to life and pulled out of the driveway.

“What?”

“Nothing,” said Bucky.

“I understand,” said Hillary.

They finished their breakfast. Bucky went back to his room to pack. Jo came into the room to see if he needed anything and to tell him he didn’t need to make the bed, since she was going to change the sheets later.

Hillary saw Mudder out in the backyard and brought him inside so Bucky could give him a final scratch behind the ears. But that was the only time she interrupted him.

She couldn’t bring herself to find a distraction for herself while she waited for him to get ready. At eight fifteen he came out of the hallway, baseball cap on his head, bag over his shoulder, glove on his metal hand, jacket on, all dressed and ready to go. He wasn’t going anywhere. Just away.

Hillary turned to look at him.

“Well?”

“Well?”

“Are you ready to go?”

“I guess let’s just get this over with,” he said heavily.

Jo came up to him. She hugged him and kissed him, and Bucky patted her back tenderly. 

“You be safe,” she said, holding his face in her hands. “You be careful.”

“I will.”

“And if you ever want to come back, you’re always welcome.”

“I know.”

“We love you.”

He hugged her one more time. 

Jo sounded on the verge of tears. “Don’t forget that.”

Finally he broke apart from her and stepped towards Hillary. Hillary nodded to her mom.

“Right this way,” Hillary said to him, leading him to the kitchen door.

 

The sun was already up over the mountains and the day was growing bright. For part of the drive they were facing the east, and he had to squint a little, even with the visor down in front of him.

It wasn’t easy for him to think of anything to say, and he could tell she wasn’t having an easy time of it either.

“Well, you’re seeing Mark this afternoon, right?”

“Yeah. He’ll be here for Cody’s homecoming party. Probably meeting the rest of the family a little sooner than I would have liked, but it’s an occasion to get together. So why not?”

And he didn’t have anyone waiting for him in Denver. Not that he knew of. He wasn’t going home, he was leaving it.

The only conversation they made on the short drive was awkward and punctuated with long silences. When they got to the bus station, he and Hillary went inside briefly to check him in, and then they went back outside to her car to wait, sitting on the hood. They checked the time on her phone frequently.

“You know what,” said Hillary, “you don’t have to do this. It’s not too late for you to change your mind. You don’t have to go. We’ll just...find somewhere else for you to stay.”

“Well now you tell me,” he said. He looked at her and patted her hand. “I’m going to be just fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“That’s not going to stop me from worrying about you.”

“And to think five months ago you only wanted to not worry about me,” said Bucky.

“I know, right?” Hillary checked her phone. “Well, it’s eight fifty-five. You’d probably better get on board.”

“Right.” They both stood up and looked at each other.

“Well, you have the cash that Mom and Dad gave you?”

“Yes.”

“Got your wallet? Your deodorant? Your socks?”

“Everything.”

“Well. Good luck. May the Force be with you, and all that. Goodbye. It’s been nice knowing you.” 

“Had to sneak in another Star Wars reference, didn’t you?”

They hugged each other. Hillary wasn’t able to say anything. If Bucky didn’t know better, she was on the verge of crying, too. What was it with women, that made them want to cry over him? But he guessed Hillary had a good excuse.

“Well, don’t cry for me too long.”

“I won’t.”

He wanted to say “I’ll be seeing you” but he knew that he would probably never see her again. “I’ll...well, I’ll be fine. Just...go have that normal life you were wanting, okay?”

“I will.”

“And are you sure you won’t miss me too much? Because I can stay.”

“No, go. This is the way it has to be. It’s what you want.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

“Just go already.” She hugged him one more time. 

“All right. Bye.” He broke away from her far more quickly than either of them would have liked, and as he walked away he turned around and waved at her. His last sight of  
Hillary Tanner was of her leaning against the hood of her car, smirking at him.

 

Hillary stayed in that position for a long time, watching him walk around the side of the bus that was parked on the curb next to the bus station, the bus that would take him to Denver and to Grace, whoever she was. She would have to Facebook stalk her, if she got the chance, she told herself.

At two minutes past nine, the bus pulled away from the curb. She was tempted to wave at it as it passed but decided not to. The windows were tinted too dark and he probably couldn’t see her anyway. 

She got back into her car and turned on the ignition. Then she put one of her old mix CDs into the stereo. It was a series of Broadway recordings, one she had treasured when she was a theater geek in high school. Track number ten was “For Good” from Wicked. After saying goodbye to someone who had come into her life so unexpectedly and then changed it so profoundly, the lyrics and the music seemed appropriate as she drove home from the bus station. And she would think of them all that day as she went to the airport with her family to greet her brother Cody, and think of the people he had left behind, the people whose lives he had touched back in Germany and wonder how he was feeling to say goodbye to them. 

But Cody did ask, “So where’s that Bucky fella that I’ve been hearing about so much?”

And Hillary could only respond, “Well, he’s gone.”

 

Who can say if I've been changed for the better.  
I do believe I have been changed for the better.

And because I knew you...

Because I knew you...

Because I knew you  
I have been changed...  
For good.

 

Epilogue

Dear Steve,

Bucky Barnes has returned to Denver. I don’t know exactly where he will be by the time you read this email, but the Arms of Mercy Community Action Center is probably a safe place to start if you or Sam Wilson want to go search for him there. But he’s all yours now.

The funny thing is, I’ve always thought he was yours. To me, he’s always been your friend. The thing that Bucky and I disagreed on the most was that issue, and that’s probably something you and him will need to work on, if you ever find him again and convince him to talk to you. But he doesn’t remember enough about his past to recall being your friend. He doesn’t quite understand, I think, just what he meant to you. So I think you may need to convince him. That was never my job to start with, even though I thought it was at one point. 

But in spite of whatever Bucky may or may not remember, I think he’s more in touch with his past self than even he realizes. You said in your Facebook description of him that he was a great musician and loved to play the piano. As a matter of fact, when he came back to our house after your visit he started to play again. Just a few songs at first, but by the time he left he could pick up almost anything just by listening to it. If Hydra thought they were going to rub his musical ability out of him they were dead wrong. And he’s remembered how to dance, too. I’ve never had more fun in my life than when I was dancing with him. 

More than his outward characteristics, Bucky is really a great person. I thought, when he first came to stay with my folks, that we’d have nothing in common. But as it turns out, he understands some of the darker moments I’ve been through, and he relates to some of the struggles I’ve had as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. He’s a great listener. I could talk to him about just anything, and all day if I wanted to. He likes movies, especially dumb chick flicks, and we could quote Mean Girls at each other all day long. I did get the honor of introducing him to Star Wars, and he enjoyed that as well. But Bucky is just one of the neatest people I have ever known. He is really a kind and caring and generous person. He’s really been a special friend. I’ve been so blessed and honored to have him in my life. My parents have loved him, too, and they were sad to see him go.

No one is sorrier than I am that I had to go behind your back, but like I’ve said before that was at his insistence. I hope if you two meet again that he can explain that to you. I wish I could explain to you just how hard I tried to convince him to remember you, but maybe when you see him again--and I am convinced it is not an ‘if,’ but ‘when’--when he does, he can tell you about that himself.

I once told you that the hardest thing I’ve ever done was playing the lead role in a high school musical while I was working and being a busy student. I didn’t think I would ever have to do anything harder than that. And then I thought that letting your best friend come and stay with my family--without ever letting you know about it--was the hardest thing I’d ever done. And it was. Until today. Watching Bucky get on the Greyhound bus for Denver, after knowing him and loving him like he was part of my own family, and even after putting up with so much crap from him, letting him go back to be on his own, and live his own life, that was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I did it because that was what he wanted. It was his choice to go. I wasn’t going to take that from him, ever. But now I know, I think, how you feel about him, and why you’ve wanted to find him all this time. 

I’m sorry about the length of the email. There’s a lot I wanted to say. And no one can say enough good about your friend Bucky. Really, you can’t. I hope you understand why I had to do what I did to keep him hidden, and I hope that in due time you will forgive me, if you haven’t already. Maybe someday we can hang out, and I can show you the pictures and the videos we took of him trying to live a normal life for the first time in seventy-five years. I think you’d like that. But anyway, if you’re not too busy Avenging, I hope you’ll have the time to read this email. 

Hopefully still your friend,

Hillary Tanner


End file.
